A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I woke up again this morning to my boyfriend masturbating in bed next to me. It's happened many times before (he thinks I'm asleep), and he's even finished himself (I found the mess) a few times. I don't usually say anything because the first time it happened, he freaked and denied it. The second time, he said yeah he was awake and couldn't sleep, and the last time, he said I woke him up asking him if he wanted to have sex. I tell him I don't care that he's doing it, because I won't yell at him, I'll join in, but I just want him to admit to it. But, I'm pissed he doesn't admit to it anymore. This morning (4 AM), he was doing it, and I said, 'sweety, you're keeping me awake' (big interview this morning) and he stopped. A few minutes later, I felt bad, so I started to 'help' him, because I was already awake. He said, ' I guess you want to stay awake'. He wan't that hard, but it was clear that he wasn't completely sleeping (soft). We had sex, then he said to me, 'what did you say to me before you started?' I told him and he said, 'what did you think I was doing' I told him, he said, 'No, I was scratching my foot' then, 'I was sleeping, I wasn't awake' then it turned into an argument because he said he was dreaming about us and I woke him up. I'm so pissed, he can't keep his story straight. Was he awake and scratching his foot, or asleep and doesn't remember anything? I know it happens in his sleep, but he got so defensive and told me a few different things that 'happened' that are contradictory. How can I talk to him so he'll tell me the truth? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Does it truly matter whether or not your boyfriend was masturbating?
Most guys are very sensitive to their masturbatory habits. I am not sure why but perhaps their is a male ego thing that states rubbing one out means you can't get the real thing.
Either way, some guys do wake up in the morning aroused and need relief. Perhaps, he didn't want to wake you up and decided to take care of himself. Most guys in sexually satisfying relationships occasionally need to relieve themselves. We are just wired to want and need sex more often.
I wouldn't be overly concerned about this and to be honest, his actions and reactions sound completely normal.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2012):
I think he is trying to be a gentleman and do it himself before you wake up, maybe you aren't a "morning wood" kinda girl?
If you rather he wakes you up and have sex with you instead of his right hand let him know.
Personally, I don't know what the big deal is. (yes, lying is bad, but he most likely felt cornered and didn't want you to think badly of him.)
How is your sex life otherwise?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 June 2012):
 in the mornings I often have to ask my partner 'did you do such and such last night" and it may be that he did in some way but I remember differently because i was half asleep...
MEN get erections in their sleep all the time... so if he's hard he may still be asleep and if he's soft he may be awake... you can't gauge his "awakeness" by the erection.
I've been known to masturbate in bed next to my partner when he's asleep... and I guess if he woke up and caught me I'd be a bit embarrassed... so usually I go into a different room.... dont' want to wake him after all....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): Maybe he's uncomfortable with masturbating, but because he has an erection he wants to, but somewhere in his mind he thinks or has been told it's wrong? I don't know...seems he's embarassed....Perhaps, you can just leave this one alone...in a way, it's private, (even though he's doing it next to you) and feels invaded ... and it could be worse...he could be going off and disrespecting you by masturbating to porn, which can be a whole other problem...I don't think you "need" to know that he's doing it, and he doesn't really "have" to share this, but it might be a good healthy discussion to explain you understand this is natural and healthy and he is doing nothing wrong and you are fine with it, instead of insisting he tell you the truth about the obvious. Lying is wrong, of course, but this just reads like an ackward moment for the guy and he doesn't know how to handle it except to deny it.
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