A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years. We have a lot of laughs together, we are turned on by eachother, we do all the things that normal, happy couples do, I am not complaining about the relationship as it is. The issue is that he is very committed (not a problem for most!) we are both at university, and he tells me how much he loves me and how much his 'whole heart would tear into tiny pieces if I was ever to leave him', and how much I am his sole mate. He talks about having kids slot, and how much he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me... Foreverandeverandeverandever. We are only young, and I do love him, but I do find that this constant desperation makes me want to distance myself. When he says 'I love you' I say 'I love you too' back. And I do, but it can get a little old when it's said every 2 minutes. The other thing is that the prospect of being married to him and only him for the rest of my life scares me, I want to see the world, meet boys, I'm only 19! But that doesn't mean that I want to end the relationship right now. It's difficult to day anything to him, can you imagine how he would react to me saying 'stop telling me you love me already!!! I don't want to marry you!!' he'd take it as a personal insult or that I don't love him. Maybe he is 'the one' and we might get married, you never know. But right now all I want is a boyfriend, not a husband.Please help! What cab I do to change this? I'm scared that I am going to get too annoyed and end up breaking his heart and mine!! I'm too scared of bringing up this issue with him and it escalating into a big problem.Thanks xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Thankyou for all of your advice. I must say that he is not clingy to the point of 'creepy' I do love this guy, he is my rock and I am happy with him. Really, this is a small, subtle problem, ( not nearly to the extent f police-calling haha!) it's just, sometimes I find myself fantasising about travelling the world, and these fantasies of my future feature a different guy. Is this a bad sign? Half of me hopes that he finds a nice girl at university and he doesn't need me any more. Does this mean we are destined to part? It's as if I know we will split up... But just eventually. But I l
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 You have to talk to him, like it or not. He's being clingy, and if you were on the same page as him it'd be cool, but you're not. His holding on to you and pressuring you will push you away. So in all fairness, he needs to get warned of how his actions and words make you feel. Tell him this, which you said:
"Maybe he is 'the one' and we might get married, you never know. But right now all I want is a boyfriend, not a husband."
This makes everything clear, and he should understand. He might not be able to adjust right away, but give him some time to try and cool it down a notch. Him telling you he will be heartbroken if you left him is emotional blackmail, actually. You might not be aware of it, but it is. It's sort of a threat, hidden as something "cute", like if it was a love confession. But that line isn't a love confession, it is emotional blackmail. He's telling you that you shouldn't dare leave him. If he says this again, tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. That you do not plan on ending the relationship, but that if it ends it ends for a reason, and that even if he will be hurt, and you will be hurt, that is how relationships can go. That you wouldn't ever break it off with him to be MEAN to him. And that if he understands this, then it is unnecessary for him to point out how hurt he'd be if you left. Or you can simply ask him why he is saying things like that, if he thinks you are planning on leaving him?
I think he is fishing for more commitment from you, isn't getting it, and is getting more and more desperate. Which is exactly why you must talk to him, so he gets an idea of how his pressure is making you feel.
Next, tell him that while you love him you do not wish to overuse the word. You will say it when you feel like saying it, and not because he just said it first, or because he wants to hear it. You will only say it when YOU want to say it. He should accept that.
He is pushing hard, and I understand the problem. I've been there too, with a man who was discussing rings and wanted to pick out baby names after only 6 months. It's uncomfortable.
Tell him that things need to take their own time, and that things like marriage and children and commitment needs to come naturally, in it's own time, when time is right for it and both of you are ready. Tell him you aren't ready for these things, and that you feel pressured when he talks about it so much. That you don't want to break up, but that he needs to cool it down and not be so "eager", because it makes you feel pressured.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): Hi Sweetness,
What you feel is pretty normal. You're in a relationship exploring waters, but someone is pushing way too hard. You're a young beautiful princess, and you should do only what your heart desires. He sounds creepy of course, and I do not blame you to feel like distancing yourself. I understand.
Hang in there only as long as you want, and look for better options. If someone you feel more love for shows up, then break up with Mr. Desperate and tell him you'll always remember him in a good way. If he keeps chasing you then block him as long as you could, because this desperate type can be dangerous sometimes. If he, however, didn't stop, then report him to the police.
Just never say or do something you're not comfortable with. Tell him how you feel in a subtle way, and if he doesn't wanna hang around it is his loss. If he wants to follow your rules then he shouldn't be complaining later, or getting too intense at a point or another. It is YOUR life, your body, and your heart. He either accepts you as you are, or drag his sorry desperate @$$ away.
Best luck,
XXX
Suzanne
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