A
female
age
41-50,
*inkLemonade
writes:Background:I am 29. My boyfriend is 39. We have been together for 4 years. A year ago, we sold our house, moved cities, and are renting an apartment so that my boyfriend could go back to school. I am paying all of the bills (rent, utilities, car payment, insurance, groceries, entertainment). His part time job pays for his cell phone and some entertainment. The Problem:He has never been good with managing his money. He was raised by parents who "lived for today". His grandmother has no savings and $30 000 of consumer debt. He gets mad when I say he will end up just like her, but I feel that it is the truth.He had to move back in with his dad when he was 34 to get out of credit card debt.He continually lives beyond his means. Many things are being charged to his credit card.Classic Example: This week he has a mere $31 left for spending money for 2 weeks. He goes to visit a friend, and of course spends all of that in one day. This means that until next pay (over a week from now), he has zero dollars. This will mean to even have a coffee I will have to buy.He also went with this friend to the mall and bought a $50 wallet. This went on his credit card of course. I am livid! He doesn't seem to be learning that he should only spend money he has, and not keep charging things to his credit card. $20 here, $50 there...all adds up to a bill that he can't pay off!Some people say I should let him do whatever. But it IS my problem if we stay together, that debt will be mine too! And I also see it as rude that he can't even manage to take me out for dinner even when I pay all of the bills!Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
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female
reader, PinkLemonade +, writes (17 March 2009):
PinkLemonade is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues2 - Thank you so much for your advice! You are right in that this is just creating resentment. I think I am am going to just take the "tough" approach as well. This means I am not paying for all that gas in the car (even when he uses it), and no more free nights out.
Funny enough, we constantly watch money shows. He knows all about the horrible effects of a lot of consumer debt, and he also KNOWS how to do up a budget as we have gone through this many times.
damluvaam - Thanks for your reponse! All of our income is separate. It's terrible, but I would never trust him if we had joint bank accounts. I don't pay any of his bills, I am certainly not THAT much of a sucker.
I just pay all of OUR bills, like I said, the household expenses. If he racks up his Visa bill, I definitley do not pay it off for him!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): It is so true, you are just allowing him to use you by paying for "anything" when he runs out of money. I have a boyfriend like this and he has had some difficult financial times and I tried to help him get out of the hole that he was in, but I saw that he was the cause of a lot of his own problems and he did not want to do things differently to avoid those same problems in the future surrounding money....so I stopped paying for his care and let him figure it out. He is doing a lot better, he even got a second job, imagine that. He isn't going to change, so you are going to have to hang tough on keeping expenses seperate and letting it effect your credit and not yours.
He is being self centered and you are creating a monster by letting him get away with anything at this point.
Cut him off, or cut him out of your life, but don't keep allowing this to go on....you are just building tons of resentment.
You might also try putting him on a household budget, actually draw one up, there are many examples of budgets on the net.
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