A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts and Uncles,I'm in a bit of a predicament with my partner right now and I have no idea what to do. We have been dating for five months, almost six, I really like this guy and we spend loads of time together but he met a girl at a festival before he met me last year, he says nothing ever happened between them yet he keeps dozens of photos of her and that weekend on his phone, they text, Facebook and email each other, which I don't mind, I have plenty of male friends that I talk to and nothing sexual or emotional is there, however he can be secretive about his phone, like he turns off his iphone notifications. But anyway this weekend, they have planned a reunion, my boyfriend, the girl in question, his friend and his friends girlfriend and it seems like a double date, he is paying to go miles down south to see her and has booked one double room saying its for him and his male friend and the two girls are staying together in another one. I'm just confused and want others opinions on what they think is going on, is he cheating on me? :(
View related questions:
facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for everyone getting in touch, I told him how I felt about the whole situation and how ridiculous it had made me feel. He said that he'd forget the whole thing, he didn't really want to go that bad anyway and he'd much rather spend the weekend with me than down there anyway :) So all worked out well, thanks again for all the advice.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 January 2013):
 What the hell? This sounds ridiculous.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that he's feeding you a line saying that he is going down with his mate and GF just so you think that there's no way that something can be going on.
This just doesn't add up and doesn't make sense why he would include other people bar you in the plan.
I'm afraid to say that it looks like your boyfriend is cheating on you. Just before he goes, I think it'd be a good idea to tell him that he's not going to have a GF to come back to.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 It's possible he's telling the truth, but in my opinion unlikely. I'm suspicious for the following reasons:
1. You're not included in these plans (if you'd been invited I think you'd have mentioned it). I get the impression this girl friend is your boyfriend's friend, so why are the others going and not you?
2. I'm guessing everyone is around your age and therefore probably still living with their parents. That means alone time is harder to come by and I don't see your boyfriend's friend being eager to share a room with another guy instead of his girlfriend. It's not as if they got caught in a freak storm and have to make do. This is being planned ahead of time.
3. He's secretive and overly protective of his phone.
4. A casual friend generally doesn't merit an out of town reunion. People usually only go to that kind of trouble and expense for someone special.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I wouldn't want to throw any accusations anywhere because I guess there's a chance (however small) that he is telling the truth and its all innocent, but yeah it does sound very suspect.
Do you know much about this girl? Is she single? Is she straight, gay, bi?
Why didn't you offer to go too?
He seems very open about what is going on. Unless he thinks you're stupid and he is actually planning to cheat knowing what you already know about the situation, I'm gonna say its innocent, though I could be wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Sounds HIGHLY suspicious. It sounds like even if something hasn't happened, he wants it to. If he was serious about you he'd bring you with him. Sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lolahip +, writes (2 January 2013):
 This is a painful , yet obvious answer: He's cheating. I would say you should end it now. Hope it helps!!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Exactly. Why aren't you with him? If his friend is with his girlfriend, then logically you should be the one with him, not this other girl. If it were truly platonic, there would be 5 of you going. No way would this guy have a girlfriend only to not spend the night in the hotel room with her. No way.
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (2 January 2013):
 The whole thing does sound a little suspicious. I highly doubt that this other girl is going to sleep in a separate room, away from her boyfriend. Not the kind of thing lovers do when they go on a trip together.
Would he be alright with you going off to spend time in a hotel with one of your male friends?
Is this the first time he has seen her since the festival? If so, then he technically hasn't cheated yet, at least not physically - but the seeds are there.
In my opinion, this is something people in a relationship just shouldn't do. They're not supposed to want to go off on trips with members of the opposite sex, leaving their partners at home. In all honesty, I don't think this is as innocent as he would have you believe.
People seem to do this a lot. They meet someone they really like - but instead of pursuing a relationship with that person, they immediately jump into a relationship with someone else - THEN start cheating with the original person they wanted to bed with.
If this is just an innocent trip of friends getting together, ask him why you can't go?
...............................
A
female
reader, Warm-Inspire +, writes (2 January 2013):
 If your boyfriends mate took his girlfriend, why are you not there? Fair enough it's a reunion but aren't you are mean't to be a part of his life now?
No one can tell you if he's cheating or not since you haven't provided alot of evidence to say his actions are suspicious.
By secretive phone usage do you mean, He turns it off when around you? Does he hide his phone from you when he recieves messages? Walks out of the room everytime when taking a phonecall?
I think you may just have to give him the benefit of the doubt, if not its better to ask outright to see the messages etc, rather than creating trust issues so early in a relationship, if he refuses you know theres something he doesn't want you to see.
Good luck
xx
...............................
|
