A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To start, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. From the beginning he's been the type who's needed his space, and isn't much for daily communication. I could accept that, in the beginning. Recently he's come in to more work, and I've been very happy and proud of him because I know how much he's wanted this. To be honest though, he is literally "ditching" me for work. He works 5 days a week, but has been picking up extra shifts, which is fine, except he's now doing it when he says he will see me. As an example, we are supposed to spend the day together on Tuesday, but then yesterday he informed me that he picked up a late 2 hour shift. As what I can only guess is his compromise, he said I could come with him. I was very upset, but for fear of upsetting him because this is his job, I didn't say anything. I hate to sound bitchy, but I really just wanted a day to spend with him, not spend it with him while he's working at his job. He is also constantly doing this now. He will make plans with me, and then pick up a shift at work. Its upsetting because I work full time and it's hard to work on time to see him already with my busy schedule, without him completely disregarding our plans. To add to this, I'm starting to have a hard time with not seeing him and not hearing from him very often. It was fine in the beginning, but as I am becoming more invested in this relationship I find myself with wanting more. We have talked about this somewhat in the past, and his response was a bit alarming to me. In the summer my father passed away and I really leaned on him, for the first time ever in our relationship we had actually spent more than 2 days in a row together (a grand total of 5), and he later told me he couldn't handle that. Now please bear in mind, we were not together constantly, we would seperate because he had to work or had I had to deal with family etc., but that alarmed me. What would he do if we ever moved in together? Even got married? I can't help but just feel incredibly disheartened because of all of this, and I'm just not sure how to go from here. I don't want to get mad at him because of his work, but I just find it so disrespectful and upsetting when he makes plans with me and then decides to just go to work. And his lack of communication (he's not the type to ask "how was your day?" Or just randomly get in contact with me, and hates talking on the phone) is just fueling this fire. Am I not a priority?
View related questions:
at work, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): He has told you that you can spend time with him at work. You don't think this is good enough.
Is it possible he might be trying to make extra money so he can buy you a ring or take you out on a nice date?
Personally, i think that should spend time with him at work. When the two hours are over, then you can go get food or do something fun together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): The fact he couldn't spend 5 days straight with you isn't good. It's not necessarily about you, he might just prefer to be on his own most of the time. Either way it is not likely to change I'm afraid. He has made it clear how much he is willing to give you, you have to decide now whether you can accept it.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I think this guy doesnt have the cajones to end it. He is in establish career mode right now n hes stringin u along n quite honestly ur doing quite well in chasing ill give u that lol but hes not communicating with u about his priorities.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (18 February 2013):
 The odd thing about this is I notice with me dealing with men or women dating and relationships. If you tend to be under the women you a mamas boy or user. Its like a old saying there lazy or using you if they dont get out and work to provide cause we all know women like nice things items especially of material value bills paid rent paid car notes. Ive learned that to have these things working gets them people like you too cause of it. Thats probaly his case of course he would want to spend more time than he does but you mention to you work lot or full time talk more about it to agree to diagree or enjoy what time you do have. Funny point to add I met someone they was like if you get another job you wouldnt have time for me cause I work partime already. In my mine I like they want me to be a slave of some sort at home screwing cooking and cleaning which may not be the case but most likely it is. I start to think this person just met me and is too dependant and needy already also they may not be the right fit for me totally.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 It does sound like he's not that into you, or else he would enjoy spending time with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Either your bf is working so much overtime because he is in serious debt that he is trying to pay off, or.. he is doing so because it feels better to be working than being with you.
"we had actually spent more than 2 days in a row together (a grand total of 5), and he later told me he couldn't handle that".
This statement alone says that he is really not that into you.
Sorry!
...............................
|
