A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I have been dating my current boyfriend for about a year now. Very early in the relationship we decided to move to another city and live together (after about 4 months of dating). We have now been living together for about 8 months. I love this guy a lot but my problem is that he refuses to get a job and keep it. I am a very hard-working individual, always have been and have goals like buying a house, getting married and having kids in the future. I am in no way a push-over. I don't let him live off of me, well, to a point. I am very clear that he has to pay half the rent and half the bills and so far he has managed to be able to do this every month by taking side jobs for cash or getting a job for a week and then quitting once he has enough for rent and bills. That being said, there are other expenses that seem to all be landing on me, like groceries, gas, anytime we go out, etc. It is really taking a financial toll on me. I have tried over and over to talk to him about this and got to the point where I gave him a date that he needed to fix it by (last Friday) and still nothing. He doesn't want to work. Just stay at home and do nothing all day. He uses EVERY excuse in the book and I'm at my breaking point. I am becoming someone I hate, constantly nagging and fighting with him over this. I told him today that I needed to leave and he is begging me to give him a chance and be more supportive (which I have heard a hundred times). I don't know what to do, I love him to death but how much longer do I put up with this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 I agree with the other answerers here. It definitely sounds like the man you are with is lazy and not very motivated. I think you moved in with him a little too quickly as well. At 4 months, you are still learning a lot about each other and it sounds like with a little bit more waiting and dating, this would've come up. Unfortunately you are in a bind, on account that you don't want to throw him in the street and now your feelings have only gotten stronger. I think you need to sit down with him and make it known what you are feeling and that he needs to man up and work -- somewhere. At your age, you are probably looking for someone of marriage material and from the sounds of it, he has a bit of growing up to do and is no where near being a "provider".I'd give him a deadline and have him meet it or say that you are done. I also agree with Uncle Bob -- whatever you do, don't get pregnant. You'll be a raising a kid by yourself without any child support from the sounds of it.Good luck.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 You made the mistake by letting the dead line go and still staying with him, you should have left last friday and showed him you meant it instead of leaving it as an empty threat. This way he is not going to take you serious.
I understand that you love him really i do but do you want to spend the rest of your life being with someone who is not capable of supporting a future family and refuses to work? He sounds extrememly lazy and it is unfair to you.
If you do not want to leave him well then I suggest the only other thing you can do is to cut every single expense in half. Include everything like groceries, outings and gas money. If you keep helping him out with these small things he is only going to take things for granted. He is just being lazy and he knows that you are there to help him out.
He keeps on making empty promises and that shows that he is not serious about changing. I really suggest that you both find your own places until he sorts his head out and gets his life together. He sounds like a sloopy teenager who is not willing to lift a finger. He needs to be a man and get a good income. So yes my honest advice would be to tell him you love him and you want to make a go of the relationship but that you two should live apart until he can show that he can keep down a job and be independant. Goodluck and all the best for the future.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob +, writes (8 March 2011):
 It's time to leave. He's proven to you time and time again, he's not yet mature enough to be in a committed relationship. It sounds like he's looking for a mother to take care of him. Whatever you do, if you do stay with him, don't get pregnant with him. It sounds like you already have a child to raise... "HIM"!
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