A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm truly committed to making things work with my boyfriend. We've been together four years, and our relationship is almost perfect. Earlier in our relationship, just over two years ago, he went through a phase where he posted profiles on dating sites looking for "casual hookups" and flirted extensively at bars (I was still underage). I found out about it a few months ago, and when I confronted him he lied to me about it, trying to cover his tracks. When I explained why his first lie didn't make sense, he came up with a new lie, twice. On another occasion, about a year ago, he told me he was staying home and hanging out with a friend. When I called him to say goodnight, it sounded way too loud. In the end, I found out he was out clubbing, and never did get a straight answer as to who he was with.All of this was incredibly out of character for him. Outside of this, our relationship has been really good. He told me he never actually was involved with anyone, and I really do believe him, he's a horrible liar. The problem is, my trust and my security are both at an all time low. Just that he would have thought about it, and that he lied to me, have changed a lot for me. How do I rebuild my trust? I really want to put this all behind us, but it still bothers me. Is it even worth trying?
View related questions:
clubbing, flirt, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): I'm going to be blunt here: It's not worth trying. He's clearly OK with lying to you about not cheating on you, or at least not looking for a way to cheat on you, which means he'll be OK lying about whether he's actually cheating on you, and he'll never tell the truth about where he's been or who he was with. When he tells you he won't lie to you again, that's probably a lie, too, no matter how "honest" he sounds when he says it. And with practice, he'll get better and better at lying until you don't know what to believe anymore. You'll constantly question his faithfulness to you until it drives you crazy.
This is one to leave. Move on and find a man who is going to be true to you, who won't need to lie about what he's been up to, because he hasn't been doing anything he needs to hide.
|
