A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and lately I feel our sex life had already gone downhill. When I first started dating him, I made him wait to sleep with me after a couple weeks and once we did it was amazing, he told me that his sex drive is very high and He masturbates 3 times a day. I bragged how mine was as well, when I would go round and sleep he would initiate sex, sometimes I wasn't in the mood, but needless to say we had sex in the morning and/or at night. We have never done anything too crazy, just in the living room once and I noticed right away that he isn't one for spontaneous intimate moments, he has to do it in bed or whilst we are In bed. Basically he was diagnosed with anxiety and mental health problems and had been put on tablets to help him sleep, ever since this our sex life seems to of gone downhill, once he has taken his tablets he goes into a deep sleep and he can sleep for up to 13 hours, the cuddles in bed have gone because he is near to paralysed in a sleep. When he gets up in the morning he jumps straight out and gets ready for work, even though he has a couple hours to spare he still doesn't try anything on with me like he used to, he doesn't even ask for me to go down on him. He is also eating more and keeps saying how he is worried he is putting on weight. I have tried to initiate sex 3 times this week, the first time he said "I'm too full from food, we will do it later" the second time he said we will make love later on (in bed) but obviously once he's taking his meds he's out like a light and in no state to make love. The last time he came up to me in the bedroom and kissed and cuddled me and I said come to bed and he said " we're watching that film, we will do it later" to which I replied "no we won't, you will get tired and just go to sleep" sure as I was that's exactly what happened. It never used to be like this, I never used to have to make any moves at all. What hurts is I know for a fact when I'm not around he will be masturbating to porn and it never made me jealous before but now it's really making me upset. I know he is still in the mood for it, I am starting to feel unattractive, he is very attentive, loves me with all his heart, he always tells me he loves me and holds my hand, the affectionate side is great it's just out sex life, it's never spontaneous or wild, I want passion and excitement and I have no idea how to approach this subject as it's really bothering me and I feel rejected. What should I do?
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in the mood, jealous, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): It is obvious his medicine has some effect on his sex-drive. You write as though you think it's his fault or porn. Sex levels-off eventually anyway. He may not be masturbating as much anymore either. If at all.
The doctor should have warned him about possible side-effects. Read the label on the medicine bottle and it gives possible side-effects and there's your problem. Do you expect him to stop taking his medicine? You came here before going to your boyfriend. How can you have a sex-life and not be able to talk about it?
You both have to have a consultation with his doctor. Maybe the doctor can lower the dosage, or change prescriptions at some point. It's best he use what is most effective and gives the best results. Why don't you have sex before he takes his medicine before bed? The medicine may also be time-released or linger in his system.
You have to be patient and understanding. You wrote the post as if he was being deliberately neglectful toward you. It's clearly the medicine. I think you have a problem with porn-envy and object to him masturbating. Tell him so.
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