A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:A few years ago I used to be really into my drugs, well about as much as any other young person in the uk, my friends were too. However, as we finished uni it got more and more excessive, generally with ecstasy pills, cocaine, weed and binge drinking. I didn't mind so much until I started to observe the new people they hung around with made me paranoid, they just seemed to be locked in their own world, kind of flakey, selfish, foolish, anxious people, as anyone will get with regular drugs use). The only thing they had in common was their appetite for drugs and a lack of maturity. I made a decision to leave those friends behind for the sake of my own sanity because they were usually so drugged, drunk they weren't reliable or supportive and it hurt me that they were never there except when it suited them. I regretted that i didn't try harder to speak to them, but it seemed impossible because they would never talk to me one-on-one. Now I'm in a relationship with someone who drinks lots and takes drugs, when we first met it wasnt so bad, but gradually its got worse and worse. When he's off them he is the nicest person around. I know he drinks too much because on a few occassions in the last six months he's pissed himself in bed. As far as I can see, none of his close friends seem too bothered and it doesn't seem to sink in that something is wrong with this. We've had several arguments because even though I don't mind him having fun in the way he chooses. Drugs and the inevitable come down make him act different. I've singled out one friend who always wants to go out with the boyfriend and usually brings lots of drugs, there really is a conflict on interest, because he coms down and stays for the weekend and I'm completely sober and have to sit with them. I dont want to join them, my job means I can't be intoxicated. All my boyfriend wants to do is take drugs and stay up all night with his friends, I don't have the energy or the tolerance to take drugs. We only see each other twice a week and most the time thats the same time he wants to be with his friends. This is the best person I've met, yet I feel like I'm being selfish and ruining his fun. What shall I do?Am I being unreasonable? His friend travels from far to meet him so he has to put him up. I know his friends and me haven't had time to bond because everytime we meet they are coming down off something and I'm energetic and they're not exactly communicative. Is it me thats the problem? I can't beat them but I can't join them either!
View related questions:
drugs, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Dear you aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. And you are not asking for too much at all! The thing is and I'm sorry to say it but MOST people who take drugs will act this way...you know how it is but the difference is that you pulled away from it. You are obviously mature enough to know that you want better for your life and just don't have the need to take it drugs anymore.
Most responsible women would simply tell their guy the seriousness of the situation and ask them to make a choice. If you get a chance with him then ask him to choose and make some more sensible time for you without drugs. If he can't then well...leave him. Tell him how you feel about him, that he's the nicest guy you ever met when he's off drugs, but turn into someone else with drugs. To make it worse you two are spending no time together. If he doesn't want this then whats the point. Guys can change but it wont be anytime soon if they are unwilling to give up something like drugs, as well has managing their time to see their mate.
The fact is that he has you, his friends, a lot of time on his hands, drugs, alcohol...pretty much the good life, and looks like he is unwilling to give up any of it, so looks like a selfish guy to me.
You don't have to put yourself through this...you obviously want more and trying your best to make it work, but you have to know when to give up when your mate isn't willing. So try to have some talks with him about the stuff you told us. Your past, and present. If he's man enough then you have him and he'll change. If not then find another guy...plenty mature good looking guys out there for you. I'm sure UK has guys who share similar views as you do since drugs are indeed a big part to play.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (21 June 2009):
 I felt like that. My bf got high behind my back and put his stoner friends before me. I'm with someone clean and I have no regrets about ending the previous relationship. I suggest you do the same =]
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Sounds like you and your boyfriend are on different paths.
He's chosen drugs lifestyle and you've chosen to be drug free.
I dont think your being unreasonable, a life without drugs is alot more fulfilling then dependancy on drugs.
This is the best person you've met? well maybe so far.
But if you give yourself a chance i can gaurantee you'd meet nicer drug free people.
Its your choice. But i cannot see how you can "fit" in with his friends as your lifestyle certainly does not match theirs.
Like you say you cant beat them and you cant join them.
that leaves only once choice. walk away.
Give yourself a break, you've done a really admirable thing of self respect by giving up drugs so dont call yourself selfish.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Drugs are a no win situation. Unless the people themselves want to stop it, noone can help them and generally it takes an addict to hit rock bottom to realise their ways. So what i'd do if i was you is get outta there. Why do you want a boyfriend who is constantly intoxicated and pisses the bed because of it? Also how can you put up with that when youre sober? I know it'd drive me insane! I'm not gonna lecture about drugs because i myself have done them and still smoke the occasional joint, but all ill say is this. If you dont enjoy being in the constant company of junkies then leave the situation and dont look back. Hes not gonna change for your sake!
...............................
|
