A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please dont make me feel worse than I already do. I know it serves me right,karma,thats what you get and so on. So,to keep it brief,my bf of 4 years found out about a 1 night stand,not the first time,but the first he knows about,he may well start investigating and find out even more,I dont know.They meant nothing. Fact is,it felt exciting because i was wrong and loved my own memories,only I knew about. He found out by a guy I slept with who saw me on a wedding photo at his brother in laws house and then said,where do you know her from?,Ive had that. His sister then told him.Fact is,now he`s not here I cant even imagine anyone else. He is going to find out more as he asked me how many others did I have. They meant absolutely nothing to me. I really dont know where to turn. All my life I have had to prove myself and now all my family can say is they knew I would do something to mess it up. Dont crucify me,nothing will be worse than how I feel right now.
View related questions:
one night stand, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): When someone faces losing something that they have not treated well, even if it is a dog, they often talk about how they can't live without it.
But, the problem is how they treat that "thing", regardless of what it is.
The question is "Why?".
You really need counseling, I'd suggest that you invest in that more than anything else, and figure out yourself, for yourself. Stay out of all relationships until you figure that out, because you just caused someone a lot of pain that will go on for years, and you don't want to do that again...and you will if you don't figure this out.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (24 January 2011):
Firstly let me start by saying you have not really had any feedback from any agony aunts to help you address your situation, only responses which are intended to make you feel worse about yourself. Please try to excuse their angry responses, this site is designed to try to be helpful to people no matter what the problem, but not everyone here is able to set aside their own biases to give you feedback which is essentially helpful rather than hurtful.
Three things stand out from what you said - you are scared to loose your bf, you don't know where to turn, and you are worried about being judged by your family.
Firstly, as others have said, there is a good chance you have lost your bf. However, that is for him to decide. Whether or not he decides to stay with you, the important thing is really, what lessons will you take away from these experiences? What kind of relationship do you want to have, and what are the things that get in the way of you having a successful relationship? At the point of any relationship or endeavour that fails, the important thing is to learn how you can be successful the next time. That applies to your next relationship, whether it is the start of a new relationship with your current partner, or a new one with a future partner.
As for where to turn, start by turning to yourself, and to your friends and family who support you and stand by you. Everyone makes mistakes in life, or makes choices that they later regret. If you didn't make mistakes you wouldn't be human. I know your choices here might have a high price, but its only human. The best way to make it up to your bf, and to yourself, is to resolve to make better choices in the future, and to become the person you truly want to be in the future. You do not need to put yourself down or feel sorry for yourself any more than you already have, you will be better off putting your energies into creating more of the life and relationships that you want.
As for your family's judgement, forgive them their judgements but don't take them to heart. If you have made a mistake, it is an opportunity to correct it the next time, and you can be more than the failure your family expects you to be.
Finally, if you are sorry for anything you have done, or acknowledge any mistakes you have made, it will help you to share those feelings with your bf. It doesn't mean he will stay with you, but it will demonstrate how valuable honesty is.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): "they meant absolutely nothing to me"?? IF so why you worry for something which meant "nothing"?Did all happen while you were with him? If yes, well if u still think it meant nothing you don't deserve a bf.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): You are wrong that your one night stands did not mean anything, it is your bf who you do not give a damn about.What do u feel when u hear that one of your f*ck buddies say 'I had that'. Sounds cheap and sleazy doesn't it?You f*cked around and thought u would never get caught. Very confident weren't you? Well now your game is up! Your bf wanted to know how many others. So instead of lieing and making excuses, just tell the truth for a start. Tally up your F buddies and get ready to mail the number for him.Bottom line, glad your bf knows what you are. You took him for a sucker all this time. Leave him alone. You got what u wanted so what now? Pretty yourself up and go out and find your next sex partner. The only difference is that your bf won't be around. You will not change your cheating ways so now that your bf has dumped you, you can go out and F whoever you want.I am not being nasty, just telling you what you are. You are not a one man woman. You like the illicit and you seem like you are not fussy. So stop making a fuss and stop being a drama queen. The stink is coming out of the woodwork and you are basically caught with your *anties around your ankles. I am glad your bf has decided that he wasted 4 years of his precious life with you. Plse leave him alone. He deserves better. Your reputation is now cheapened and well you need to ask yourself whether all the sex with the other men was worth it. I am sure you won't be able to face people close to you for a long time.The way forward? Enjoy irresponsible cheap sex and you don't have to worry about your bf. He is long gone. And who can blame him?LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): It's hard to tell someone who's been cheated on that the affairs meant nothing. You lied to him pure and simple and no matter what you say now it won't change what he feels inside because the trust is gone. You could have stopped yourself but you didn't and these things always have a happen of coming out in the end. He wants answers to his questions because he is hurt, if you really love him and want to fix it, then tell him everything and let him decide, but what's to say if you do tell him and when things settle down you won't do it again, you betrayed him for excitement, which means you consciously went ahead and did what you did just for the thrill and thats a problem. Good luck but I fear you may have lost him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): No one is going to crucify you,you seem to do a good enough job of it yourself. In these circumstances theres nothing you can do except face it. He is behaving like most would. He could have got aggressive. If that is your buzz then sooner or later you will need your fix again. You sound a bit sick,as in see a shrink.
...............................
A
male
reader, spnwinchester +, writes (23 January 2011):
Well done.......just TRY putting yourself in his shoes, imaging if HE had done 100% exactly what you have done, what you forgive him? Ever?
...............................
|
