A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years now. We are both 21. We have our fights here and there but overall it's great. A week ago his sister came to visit, she lives in another country. He usually sees her every year or so. He has been spending most of the time with her and his niece, and I've tagged along when I can. Now, the part where I need advice is when it comes to the time we spend together while he has family here. I ask him to atleast spend an hour alone with me, when he spends the whole day with them. He gets angry, saying that he has to spend all the time with his sister and niece. This hurts me a little because I expect for him as my boyfriend to want to spend SOME time alone with me. But he doesn't seem to think that's important when some of his family comes to visit. Sure,its nice spending time with his family but time alone is also important. His demeanor towards me completely changes, and I am not liking that. He is usually very attentive. I am not asking for him to spend a ton of time with me but just a little time when he spends the whole day with them. Am I wrong on this? Should he be getting so defensive about this subject? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 My advice is still the same : let it go, girl :). You are pressuring him. He should not snap back at you , ok, but he probably feels that you are making a big deal out of something that objectively it's not. So once every now and then you have to spend a whole day without seeing him. And the problem is ?...
Are not you together since over 3 years ? Can't you reach him by phone ? Don't you two still love each other even if for a couple of days you can't meet up ?...
What is this, a boyfriend or an addiction ?!....
I suppose this guy has a job ,or he is in school too- so he has to go to work or school, take sis to lunch, play the gracious host, after work or school can't even take a breather on his own for an hour or so because sis is still around,it's a long day, it gets to be 10 pm ...and you want him to come out again and watch TV with you, and if he does not you are gonna pout : .... What a stress ! It's giving ME anxiety,LOL !
That when it's your turn to be with family, you feel up to the challenge, it only shows that you have different personalities, not that your way is the only way and that in a relationship it is mandatory spending time alone every single day !
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 December 2010):
 I'm sorry if I come across a little harsh, but did you read any advice given?
Your boyfriend's sister lives in another country he hardly gets to see her. He can see you anytime he wants. It's his flesh and blood, let him visit. Sorry, but you're just not his top priority right now, his sister is and you're just going to have to accept that. When she goes back to her country, then you can have "your" time back, for now suck it up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all of you who answered. It really means a lot, I needed another opinion and your advise was honest and to the point.
Let me give you an example of something that happened yesterday. I spent the entire day studying at school, he spent it with his family having lunch and what not. By the time it was 9-10 pm, I got out of school and called him to see if he could pass by so we could talk and watch our favorite show together. He said No. He had spent the whole day with his sister and niece and he still did not even want to pass by for an hour. I told him that I would appreciate if he came over, because I had a very stressful day at school and he just got very angry and treated me in a terrible manner. The thing that shocks me the most is that he never acts like this, and I feel neglected sort of. I am always there for him, even when some of my family (whom I only see once ever 4-5 years) come by, I still manage to slip in some alone time with him.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (6 December 2010):
 this is his only time to see them. Let him be. when they leave he will b with u. let him focus on them for now. he lets u go along so he isnt hiding nething
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 December 2010):
I think you are a bit overreacting. His family does not live there, they only visit occasionally and from what I get you are welcome to tag along. It's not like you don't see him at all.
If they visit ,say, for two weeks every year- you still have 50 entire weeks to spend time alone with him. It's not that he does not want to be alone with you, it's just that he does not like to be pressured to juggle a lot of things if it's not strictly necessary.
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