| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex broke up with me over a text message, and I told him it was over for good (we had a habit of breaking up and making up). Now he texts me and calls me everyday, telling me he's sorry, and how I'm making a mistake, that why can't I give him one more chance, that now he really appreciates me and now he knows what he's lost, that he'll change, etc.The problem is we were together for almost 4 years. Throughout those, I think like a bit over 3 of those years I suffered a lot. He had issues with my past, called me names, didn't trust me and basically trapped me and controlled me (I had to stop seeing friends he didn't like, stop listening to music that reminded him of my past, etc.) I did love him a lot and yes, we had GREAT times, sex was great and we had awesome chemistry overall (really compatible personalities, tastes and spiritual/political views).But it was always there, and he insulted me and criticized me and was borderline cruel to me! He changed a bit during the last few weeks, but I'd told him if he ever broke up with me again, no matter how stupid it was, it'd be final. He did, he got upset over a petty issue of the past and sent me a text saying it was over. I reminded him of what I'd told him, asked him if he really was sure, he said he was.Since then, he calls every day to tell me he's sorry. He's being really romantic, and he's really hurt and it kills me to see him like that, because I still love him but I know this is not the right relationship for me (although he swears he'll change). I don't know what to do, he calls everyday, despite me asking not to. I hate thinking that he's suffering over me. I'm suffering too, not just because of the break up, but because he's devastated too.The problem is he tells me I'm being too inflexible, that I should be more considerate towards him, that I'm making a mistake, that I'm being unfair, etc, etc. See my point? He never thinks of my perspective. He says I'm not taking into account the beautiful moments we spent throughout the last years and that I'm only focusing on the bad and that that is unfair. I told him how the relationship crushed my self esteem, but he says then why didn't I end it sooner, blah blah.I don't know what to do. He just won't give up. It kills me, I want him to be happy! How to sort this?
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broke up, crush, self esteem, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Throw all those reasons back at him and you will find that he should not have broken from you but instead should have appreciated and love your more.
He is immature, self conceited and a very selfish guy.You need to harden your resolve not to go through this merry-go round again.There will be another and another because he does not learn from his mistakes.
You are incompatible with him.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 If I were you I'd care about MY happiness- not his.
He is being childish- he is stomping his feet and throwing tantrums until he gets his way. Once he has convinced you,he will be back to his old ways in no time.
People never really change ,unless they really want to change and have a strong motivation for that. And what his motivation would be ? He knows he basically can do what he wants with you, because even if you get mad and leave him- all he has got to do is whining and pestering you for a little while and you'll end back with him.
It is true that you don't have to focus only on the negative traits of a person or relationship, but it's also true that you say you were miserable for 3 out of 4 years of your relationship. 75 percent of the time. Not a good record.
I really think you'd be so much better off without him.
Physical attraction is very important, shared interess and value too- but the most important thing is mutual respect and he did not show a lot of respect for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 April 2010):
If I were you I'd care about MY happiness- not his.
He is being childish- he is stomping his feet and throwing tantrums until he gets his way. Once he has convinced you,he will be back to his old ways in no time.
People never really change ,unless they really want to change and have a strong motivation for that. And what his motivation would be ? He knows he basically can do what he wants with you, because even if you get mad and leave him- all he has got to do is whining and pestering you for a little while and you'll end back with him.
It is true that you don't have to focus only on the negative traits of a person or relationship, but it's also true that you say you were miserable for 3 out of 4 years of your relationship. 75 percent of the time. Not a good record.
I really think you'd be so much better off without him.
Physical attraction is very important, shared interess and value too- but the most important thing is mutual respect and he did not show a lot of respect for you.
...............................
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