A
female
age
36-40,
*el76
writes:Hi, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about four months. We've been through a lot together in these short months and are very close to each other. He wants to move in but I'm hesitant to let him move in right away. We have some issues that aren't resolved and I think it would be a good idea to do so before he moves in. What's really bothering me right now is the issue with his ex (or exes). His last ex he still sees, alone. I went with him once to meet her and right in front of me he kissed he goodbye. In emails he says "that's why I love you" or "you know I love you" and when talking he'll call her sweeety or other pet names. Now, I've told him that I don't like this and it doesn't make me feel secure but he still arranges private meetings for the two of them and calls her pet names like this. He keeps everything that she gave to him during their relationship and treats it with reverance. He talks about her all the time and whenever we're having a fight he runs to talk to her. And he also talks about his other girlfriends and keeps their belongings when I've asked him about getting rid of it, including naked posed pictures of them. I'm at the point of breaking off this relationship. Any advice?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2009):
 If he won't leave and your name is the only name on the lease you can change the locks. As far as his fish well you can ( I would suggest this) have a third party there on a set date and time for him to pack his fish up and the rest of his shit. If he don't get it by then you might need to tell him you will get a restraining order if needed.
Well, the being pregnant, that really is a kicker. But there is nothing that says you HAVE to raise the child WITH him, if you choose to keep it.
Good luck,
A
female
reader, mel76 +, writes (25 May 2009):
mel76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so as a little update, I did officially break up with him because he once again kissed his ex after he promised he wouldn't do it again. Told him I did not want to be with him any more and yes I'm breaking up with you. He got angry and went to his ex's house. The next morning he showed up and acted like nothing had happened. He has a key to the house which he refuses to give me and while I was at work moved in a forty gallon fish tank a bunch of boxes of his belongings. I was extremely clear that I was done with this relationship and he completely ignored me. I tried to talk to him like adults about it and he said if I broke up with him he would tell things to people that I work with and refused to give me the key to my house back. Now I don't know what to do. I'm not good at being mean and my best friend says I should tell him I'm sleeping with someone else even though I'm not just to get him to leave me alone. And here's the real kicker, I just found out I'm pregnant.
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A
female
reader, mel76 +, writes (11 May 2009):
mel76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the support guys. I'll let you know what happens.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2009):
All I can say is...
Listen to your gut.
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A
female
reader, mel76 +, writes (11 May 2009):
mel76 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, well his one ex he talks about they broke up in November. They were together on and off for three years but he said all they ever did was fight. His other ex he actually left for me in January. She and I get along really well. I don't sense that she is trying to get him back or anything. He seems to be instigating everything. I've talked to him about breaking it off, that it really isn't what we thought it would be and that I'm not ready to live with a boyfriend. He told me if I don't let him move in he'd break up with me. It's just very confusing for me because he didn't like that I spoke to my ex that i had broken up with two years ago so I no longer talk to him out of respect for his feelings. But it's not reciprocated. The only reason I'm still hanging on is because he's begging me to but my gut says it's a really bad idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Hi, sorry to hear about your situation. I met my boyfriend last year and after two months we moved in together and my experience was good and bad. Living together puts a huge wet blanket on your sex life. It also makes everything more complicated. My advice to you is not to move in together. You're young and should have your space to live your life. Reguarding the exgf, how long ago did they break up? My bf and I sometimes hang out with his ex, but I always come with him and he never kisses or touches her except for a hug goodbye. They broke up two years ago, so they're both moved on. It's hard to cut ties with an ex because you develop a strong friendship outside of the relationship. If he is still hung up on her, don't put yourself through this. Timing is everything. You should be with somebody who is ready to start something with somebody without any ties from the past. Don't get mad at him. Him still being involved with his ex, has nothing to do with you. I'm sure he has feelings for you or he wouldn't be with you. Just be careful, trust your gut, and if it seems bad, get out before you get really hurt. Good luck girl! I'm sending some love your way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2009):
I would tell him to figure out what he wants. You or the ex.
I don't believe in telling a BF/partner whom they can talk to and whom they can't but if they can not have respect for me I'm gone. Him hanging on to ex's like that is being disrespectful to you, specially of you have already told him how it makes you feel.
He really needs to grow the heck up. If it was me, personally, I'd look for someone who is less attached to the ex's. We all have a little bagage but man, your guy is dragging it around unpacking it everywhere expecting you to think it's dandy..
He's not a keeper.
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