A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years in a few more months. Recently i found out he has been keeping a secret msn/email and i found some of his conversations on his computer by accident saying things to other girls like "hey beautiful", "hey sexc", "if i come to melbourne will you stay in the hotel with me?" even though the other girl has a bf, this did not stop him, telling her "how lucky" her bf is and all this crap.. i just never thought he would be able to do anything like that to me.. he was always so paranoid and over protective and ddnt want me to have msn with guys or facebook or form friendships with guys ive recently met including work mates.. I confonted him about it and he said it was stupid and just for fun and he ddnt mean any of it and that he wouldnt have the heart toa ctually act on those things.. but that the reason he did it was because id been neglecting him and not paying him enough attention. Im in the last semester of university studies and we have been fighting more often at least every week. sex has dwindled down but i wouldnt say we never have sex, once or twice or even three times a week depending how often we see each other. BUT i do know that i have been not as INTO the relationship as before.. because whenever we fight he name calls and swears and i know this has been an issue for a long time but lately ive been doing it back to him.. which i don'tlike.. after all that.. knowing that part of the reason is coz i havnt been as "into" it as before.. i don't know if i still want to be with him..i love him.. and i want it to work.. but i cant shake the fact that he's like to me.. and he's done this before but i never knew he spoke to other girls like that.. and this time i kind of suspected but never really knew what was going on coz he lied outright..he was always the one saying always tell the truth no matter how bad.. but in the end.. it was all bullshit.. mnow everytime he tells me im beautiful or gorgeous or whatever i just dont believe him in fact it makes me angry.. i cant shake it off.. but i still enjoy his company.. i don't know what to do.. and i'm afraid im losing feelings slowly..because of it..
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female
reader, Trish123  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Firstly, by the fact that you're reading his emails shows that you've got trust issues. I agree with another comment made, he's possessive to hide his own actions. Dump the scum bag. Build your own confidence.... make plans without him... don't always be available when he's expecting you to.... make the most of your female friends and have girly nights out... things that make you appreciate being a woman..... build the confidence so leave him. Anyone making you feel this self conscious and miserable isn't healthy for you. You've got to be strong. Why put up with it.... if this was your friend telling you this... you'd say the same thing. Read it back to yourself. You know in your heart what's really going on. Have you spoken to him about it? Obviously, not admitting you've read his email as he'll be able to twist it round and make you look like the one in the wrong, but even if you say it's an article you read in a magazine... or your friend is having these problems and see his perspective on the situation.... either way.... I'd say this guy is being a shit. He wouldn't stand for it if you were doing it to him, so why should you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): You just might be losing your feelings for him because of all of this. NOTHING hurts worse than knowing the person that you love has betrayed you. And the reason that he was so paranoid about you abd other men is because of a guilty conscience. Him telling you that he did this because you were 'neglecting' him is just his way of turning this around on you and take the blame off himself. You might want to take a break from the relationship and take some time to yourself to assess where you want to go from here.
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A
female
reader, poison ivy 2009  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Hon, this just sounds really bad. I think the reason he's so possessive over you is because he knows what he's doing behind your back. Ever heard the old saying do as I say not as I do.. Well I think thats the case. And if he really felt you were drifting away he should have tried harder to make you stay instead of seeking comfort in other girls. And what he's done is called EMOTIONAL CHEATIING. And from my experience were there's smoke there's usually fire.You have to think long and hard if you still want this. You said that your feelings have changed. Maybe this isn't the relationship for you. But only you can decide that. One last thing, you should be in a relationship because you want to be there no because you're afraid to not be..Good luck.
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