A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 6 years started an online chatting with several woman. One young lady who is 20 years his junior came to our state for 4 days. During that time she was here the only contact I had with him was via phone. Usually I see him everyday, and he is constantly talking about marriage. One day I questioned him about him disappearing for 4 days, and he confessed. I told him that he needed to chose who he wanted to be with and to end this affair. He claim that he did (which he didn't) A few days ago I got a private call on my cell phone from a woman stating that he loves her and he is strung out. I let him hear the message and if he knew wanted to prove it, he calls and tells her that he loves me and not to call, text, email. Of course she called him back and claimed that she did not know who I was not what he was talking about. He told her I was his girlfriend and if she didn't he was going to have her arrested. Then he said he wanted to come clean with me and told me that there was not excuse for him behavior and he apologize for that. The next day she sent an email talking about she know he loves her and wants to be with her and when they go on their trip they will get their relationship back. He showed me the email, and I asked him if he was going to Dallas and he said, "No. Where am I at now". This girl lves oveir a 1,000 miles away. My question is when will she get the message?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 July 2009):
 Sweetheart, if it isn't for this girl there could be others. You need to know for certain if she is the only one or if he has others he is in contact with.
The fact that she is 20 years his junior sounds to me that she is infatuated and he has got freaked out by her behaviour. He is taking solace in your arms right now but the blunt truth is that he cheated on you and that is something you have to live with. He could have caught anything from her and unless he can guarantee you 100% commitment and is happy to have an aids/STI test are you going to let him anywhere near you sexually.
Once a man starts to talk to other women online then it can be a very addictive behaviour. Believe me I know for sure. My ex has done it and he is now my EX.
The fact is that obviously you don't live together so before you consider marriage make sure you know the full truth and if he wants to make a commitment to you then he has to prove himself as you are not going to tolerate infidelity. What happens if you do marry him and have any children, then they get in the middle of all of this as he may be OK for now but this behaviour can have a habit of reappearing.
There is always the thought of couple counselling to get things out in the open before you commit to marriage as it may be his own insecurities or his feelings of getting older that he gets a boost out of someone who is younger showing interest in him or the fact that he managed to pull her. It is something a man can brag about to his mates isn't it.
Just tread carefully sweetheart and make sure you know the truth before making any commitment to him.
BFN
Country Woman
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