A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend work for the same company but different departments.We have now lived together for almost 2 years which is how long we have also been going out, I know we moved in really fast.Anyways there is this girl who works in the office next to him who he see’s daily and he liked her before he did me…thing is I already knew this girl and shes one of those who is really nice to guys but a complete b***h to most girls.Well when me and my bf got together she changed. She started liking him and got rather nasty with me and at one point told me that she will come between me and my bf because he liked her first.As times gone on I have been told so much stories about how they flirt together all the time and email each other and are always talking and how they chat on this thing which is the same as skype/msn.I told him near enough once a week for a while because people kept coming to me and he claimed that he didn’t flirt but they do talk.While all that was going on he would come home and inform me how since he’s been out with me that’s the most he has talked to her ever and how she is not the person he thought she was and that the things her and her friends get up to is rather mean and so on and that he has had a lucky escape by not going out with her first.Moving forward a bit we argued a lot over this girl and he kept calling me a liar, saying it was all in my head and im making things up then we agreed that I would not talk about it in exchange for him to start doing some form of housework since it was me who did EVERYTHING.Well I have been in another office for the past 3 month covering for someone on maternity leave and was asked back into my old office to cover for 2 days. When I did sooo many people came to me with all sorts of stories, thinking me and my bf had broken up because while ive been gone they talk more and flirt more and he apparently said to her that she’s beautiful and could be a model when talking on the msn thing.I confronted him again last night and he told me to stop making up crap and kept calling me a liar.I hate liars….I have been lied to so much throughout my life by different people and that’s just the one thing I will never do because I don’t like it being done to me. Treat others as you would like to be treated!Anyways I asked him to stop talking to her. I know what shes done in the past, I know what shes capable of, I know what shes said to my face and then there is what other people has told me.He has refused to stop talking to her because he thinks im lying and that she would not be as ive told him…I reminded him of all the stories he has told me himself and how he said she is not the person he thought she was but for some reason he doesn’t seem to remember this. I then said just because you don’t want something to be true does not make it a lie and he ignored me then later said he will talk to who he pleases and how he pleases.Even though I have been with him 2 years now she said to me personally yesterday that she can tell she’s close to splitting us up and that its only a matter of time.What do I do? Was it wrong of me to tell him not to talk to her? I don’t know how much more I can take of this….i love him and want to be with him forever but this is seriously hurting me, making me paranoid and even more insecure than I already am and my bf seems to think its normal and im lying about it in the first place.Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): It's difficult to change someone... If you want to stay with him, you have to trust him and accept the situation... You have to take his word for it... However with a work environment prone to drama (your coworkers reporting to you how your bf and this colleague are flirting) this is not easy to forget the issue, especially with that girl working with him directly (and she literally told you that she is competing). Your bf right now is secure: he has you and even if there is this conflict, he's not worried about you leaving him. From personal experience, it's better to leave him and take a break. Focus on yourself and what makes YOU happy. I was with my bf for 4 years (like you we went super fast in our relationship and moved in together after only a few months of dating, which is something I regret now). He basically was always a bit too close to this one female friend (who also used to be his ex gf coincidentally). We had lots of fights because of that. but i always stuck by him and tried to forget my frustrations and decided to trust him. In the end, all the frustrations accumulated were too much so I broke up with him. It's only at this point, when he actually lost me that he was doing x10000 efforts to get me back (making a point to prove he cut contact with her, unfriending her on facebook etc)... It was too late though... All the time where I felt he put her in number 1 position, disugusted me and made me feel he hadn't enough respect for me. I didn't take him back because I cannot conceive that if you love someone why would you want to make them feel so bad and disrespected.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 June 2013):
 I'd leave him to her. let him sort it out.
the grass is always greener on the other side and if he leaves you for her he will find out eventually that it's all just a game to her. By then hopefully you will have moved on and won't take him back.
Once when I found my now ex husband flirting inappropriately with another woman via texts I sent her a text that said "this is B's wife. He's a liar and a cheat and I had no clue our marriage was bad but if you want him he's yours I'm done" and guess what... she didn't want him, she wanted to upset me and she wanted the ego stroke of him "leaving me" for her. But when push came to shove she knew that he was no prize.
so what I would do is go to her and say "i'm done, he's yours have at him" and then emotionally walk away and let him hang himself and not be bothered by their games.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 June 2013):
 Let her have him. It's not much of a "loss" for you - as you describe things - and it's an opportunity for YOU to give HER the one thing that you don't want: headaches triggered by this Lothario....
Good luck....
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