A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for the past 2 years. We had plans to get married and settle down. But we were recently in a 9 month long distance and I was flirtatiously texting some guys which i thought was harmless. There was one guy in particularly i spoke more and we even planned to meet for a drink but i cancelled. I never met or slept with anyone but i did not tell my boyfriend about these texts and deleted all of them when our distance died. One particular conversation with the guy i was about to meet, was still on my phone and my boyfriend read that. While we had spoke about infidelity alot, i hurt him. And he feels cheated and lost trust on me because of all the texts and conversations. But the problem is not the hurt, I am okay with the hurt,I hurt him and take all the blame on me. The problem is he physically abused me for 3 days and continuously abused me verbally knowing that i am in a far away land and i had no where else to go. I too got violent the 3rd day to protect myself. It's been a week, he wants to leave but wants me to stay at his place as we share the rent. He still shows signs of anger and he uses my social media account. I am unsure what to do.. Should i leave, should i stay.. Should i pursue the relationship...
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flirt, infidelity, long distance, text, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 February 2023):
 I'm pretty much a hard liner on abuse.
Every abusive relationship should end as soon as possible with enforced physical separation.
I do need to add some definitions in this case.
women can abuse.
cheating is abuse.
retaliatory physical abuse is abuse.
Abuse frequently escalates as it did in this case.
For your safety and his you need to be living separately NOW.
You can not protect your assets, your friends or your children when you are dead. protect yourself first.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (8 February 2023):
 No i don't think you should persue this relationship, i think the relationship has met its end.
It met its end when you started texting other guys, which you and i both know is wrong.
You have broken the trust barrier, often once this happens its the breaking of any relationship. How would you have felt if the situation was reversed and he was flirting with a load of hot woman behind your back, well my guess is you would be angry.
Ok you were wrong what you did, and he was wrong abusing you. Only you know what to do here. Either walk away and start again, fresh start. Or stick it out and try to repair the damage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2023):
 Yes, you should end it if he abused you. Why are you even asking?!
I do agree with him that you cheated, emotionally you sought out attention and guys to meet up with, THAT is RARELY OK in a relationship. If he had been chatting up girls in the same manner you would be pissed! Or you just don't really care as deeply about him as he care(d) about you.
You are a selfish chit!
However, as much as you acted disloyal, dishonest, and disrespectful towards your BF - IT IS NEVER an excuse for him to abuse you. He should have dumped you like yesterday's garbage because your behavior is trash.
If a guy will abuse you over this, he will find other reasons to mistreat you. So yeah, dump him.
GET out. Move on.
And LEARN from this. You behaved APPALLING. YOU were a pisspoor partner. HE chose violence, which is NEVER OK in a relationship either.
You BOTH need to grow up. And HE also needs anger management.
In the future, remember this. If you can't do something in front of your partner, maybe you should be doing it. You knew it wasn't OK to "flirt" with other guys - otherwise, you wouldn't have HID it from him. YOU just didn't care enough.
Be better.
Pick a better man next time.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (8 February 2023):
 Only you know what to do....
Do you want to stay with and marry a man that will treat you this way every time things get hard( problems will arise again for sure.....they do in every relationship or marriage but most men don't resort to physical abuse or even verbal abuse to express their emotions) Consider the possibility that if you forgive him and give him a free pass now he may interpret that as you thinking it's ok for him to treat you that way every time he gets angry with you..
I am not saying what you did was right and he does not have the right to feel hurt or angry but he should have delt with the situation like a mature adult not like a little boy who kicks and punches things when he gets mad
If you both agree to get help and work on your relationship, you might have a change, otherwise just send him his way and you go your way and find someone else!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2023): It is silly to allow him to use your social media account . It is yours not his. He uses his own or goes without. He is checking your account for more signs that you are cheating or flirting. If he were married to you he would not be allowed to do that but you are not even married. You need to find a way to get away from him. You need to compromise such as spending money on getting your own place instead of staying just because it saves you money or working or spending.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2023): Honestly I am surprised that you are in doubt. 3 days of physical abuse ??? Leave by all means, leave at once. When there's physical abuse it's the death of any relationship , it can't be revived. You say you got violent too, albeit in self -defense; that's a mess , that's a train wreck waiting to happen , if both of you are the type of person who can't settle your differences without using your hands ( Again, I got it, you hit him to defend yourself.Then, you need to be in a relationship where you never need to defend yourself from violence ! )
Really, f**k his rent and his housing problems. Just leave him
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