A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:This is all going to sound a little crazy and disorganized and not a very typical situation at all but please bear with me...I just turned 15 and I met a guy (call him H) who is turning 17 in an alternative schooling institution/mental hospital. We share numerous mental conditions (Asperger's syndrome, ADHD, depression, anxiety) and as soon as we met he was friendly. H tried to put his arm around me pretty soon after we had established we got along and texted me telling me I was really mature for my age which I was aware sounded like things you heard pedophiles in teen chatrooms say to girls my age to try and get them to flash on webcam or something, and I was initially concerned, but my other friend (call her P) convinced me he had no ill intentions. I saw him and several other friends on my birthday a few months ago and we were cuddling the entire time. Eventually H and P began making jokes that they were more like my parents then my friends due to both being a few years older than me and helping me with things like not forgetting my phone and other things parents would do for their young children (weird I know, but bear with me please) Eventually we became pretty good friends, texting everyday and cuddling whenever we saw each other. He told my how pretty I was all the time, good morning/good night texts, talking to me about his relationship issues with his now ex-girlfriend, who I hated due to her near abuse of H, and somewhere along the way I started having feelings for him. We've both grown to tell each other "I love you" all the time and as I always do with crushes, I've become jealous and a tiny bit possessive of him. I'm getting pretty good at hiding my jealousy, but one thing that terrifies me is that P is a little bit, uh, promiscuous (she has been the other woman on occasions) if you ask me, I am constantly paranoid about them possibly starting a sexual relationship and I really don't want it to affect my relationship with either H or P. They are both among the best friends I have ever had and I hate, hate, hate the fact that that is an actual fear I have and even more that I honestly think P is promiscuous...I know a lot about how slut shaming is wrong and I'm fighting the thought as hard as I can. I've grown to believe H is not the kind of guy with the kind of intentions I thought he had initially. My question is how do I deal with this (the jealousy, the crush...everything) as I understand the probability of H feeling the same way is low due to the age gap? Thank you so much for reading
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 May 2015):
 I think H and P can be good people but when relationships are mixed with friendship it's problematic. They are trying so hard to be adults but at the same time they have blurred boundaries. If you really want to keep the friendship try to make it strictly platonic. That means no more "I love you" and no more flirting. You will have a boyfriend one day. You will get there but H won't be. If you do get a boyfriend in the future it is wise to keep it separate from those 2 people.
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