A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay. So I am 19 years old and I am finally starting to accept Christ. I have begun studying the bible and attending church. My religion is becoming a major part of my life. But now I come to this problem in my life. I am not a virgin and I have been with 5 people. I know youre probably thinking thats a lot. But two of them weren't willing and the other 3 were people that I had been in serious relationships with and at the time I didn't give myself to God. Now I have decided that I want to wait until I am married again to have sex. I bought myself a purity ring to remind myself of this promise i have made to myself, my family, and God. But now I'm wondering if it was wrong for me to get one. I don't believe it is but I wanted to see other opinions. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Glorialaura21 +, writes (18 October 2010):
Dear miss,
I am very happy you have given your heart to christ and I am very happy to tell you that you are completely eligible to have a purity ring. When you asked the lord sincerely for forgivness we belive you are born again and He not only forgives you but He forgets your sin and you are clean. I've read alot of the comments below saying that wearing one would be misleading others and I would like to tell you that wearing that ring as a reminder of your promis is your decision no matter what others want to think of it. In gods eyes you are pure and that is all that really matters. Wearing that ring is a sign of you abstinence what matters it what it means to you.
A
female
reader, ttyuyu  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Throughout the bible it talks about being born again and this, I belive means every aspect of your life. It's brillant that you no longer want to have sex untill you are married and if you want to symbolise this then a purity ring sounds like a great idea. How I look at it is that when God forgive's you sin it's like you no longer have commited that sin to him, you may still have to live with the consequences but he wipes the slate clean. So therefore making you a born again virgin.
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A
female
reader, meggiedoodle +, writes (27 November 2009):
I'd say no. Even though you've been with quite a few people, you are BORN AGAIN, a new creation in Christ. God doesn't hold a grudge against you for having sex before. It's at the bottom of the ocean floor. I think its a great to have one! It shows that even though you didn't keep pure before you were a Christian, you've cast aside your old desires and have chosen to remain pure now. Good for you! I'm so happy you've become a Christian and are growing in the faith! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor those of you that wrote something about being with 5 people. If you read it again. I was raped twice. and I would never lie to people about my past. I have nothing to hide. I would never hide anything from the person i want to be with. and to armymedic "only to find your husband is crap in bed is going to help you in the long term either.Surely you want the man you are going to marry to be perfect for you in every way, so how is finding out on your wedding night that he is not right for you, a good thing at all?" Sex is not going to make a person right for me or wrong for me. To me that was just a ridiculous thing to say. I have decided to keep the ring but i keep it on top of my dresser so that i can always see it as a reminder. And I am going to take some of the other responder's ideas and possibly get something else to remind me of it. Thank you for all your answers and support on my decisions. I greatly appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): whether it is a purity ring or any other symbol you have chosen to "help" you keep your promise to yourself, you need to firstly forgive yourself that you are not a virgin. start loving yourself.
maybe then don't wear the ring, but keep it in a safe but visible place to remind you of your vow.i think perhaps it will be misleading. maybe get another symbol that will remind you that you want to remain chaste until marriage. i think you have taken a major step and am happy that you have chosen this path in life. you do not want to complicate things by appearing dishonest even though you are not. rather look at the suggestions the others have given you. and congratulations on the decision you have taken. you will reap the reards i know it. good luck and plse be proud of the way your life is turning out.
(
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 I just wanted to say something for the poster's sake. I don't think she's impure because she had sex before. This puts me in a very bad situation, because, on the one hand, it is an expression of support, but, on the other hand, it seems to detract from her decision to stay chaste. Well, I just follow two ideas: one, that sex does not make you impure, and two, that you're free to live your sexuality whatever way you want it. In this way, in my worldly and sinful eyes, my dear poster, you don't have to think of yourself as any less than anybody. You don't need a ring to tell me that you're good. I just know you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Emily has the right idea here in that now you are no longer a virgin and now an adult woman, sexuality is now your personal business and to discuss your intent with your partners in a mature way. By wearing a ring that symbolizes virginity, you are displaying that you are virgin which is not true and these rings are for young girls that are chaste that don't want to talk about sexual things because they have no sexual history, the ring protects them from that. With a sexual history behind you, you should learn to discuss with your potential dating partners that although you are not a virgin, you don't intend on having sex until marriage. Yes, buy a bracelet or necklace that reminds you of this and to be honest with men when that time comes up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): From what I understant, purity rings are for virgins that pledge to stay abstinent. You are not a virgin and so even though you want to stay abstinant until marriage, the ring is stating something that society recognizes as a virgin. This is not the case with you since you've had sex numerous times. There should be a way you can keep your promise without wearing something that tells society something you are not. It's one thing to make a promise to yourself and to God but it is another to make a statement to society that you are something you are not. Why not buy a different ring that is special to you and carries significance to you in what it means. When you've had 5 sexual partners, you don't really want to advertise your sexuality and a purity ring is an advertisement, a false one in your case.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 June 2009):
I think a purity ring has a specific meaning and that is that you are a virgin.
It's like getting a ring from your boyfriend for your ring finger but not being engaged.
So what I think you should do is buy yourself a really really nice bracelet or necklace. Something like a cross or even something with the word "purity" that will remind your of the promises you are making to God / Christ / Yourself not to have any more sex till when ever it is you've decided that sex is ok.
A purity ring is too symbolic as it is. You don't need a label to show the world you are not having sex. You can buy a t-shirt if you really want to and get it printed on.
You are the one that will turn guys down. You are the one who will meet a guy and explain to him early on that sex is bad, but holding hands / kissing / whatever the rules are is ok.
You need this for you and not anyone else.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (7 June 2009):
 I feel wearing a purity ring is a sign to others that you are pure, where as in fact you are not!
I understand the religious aspect of why you are doing this and that your religion encourages forgiveness, therefore you ask the lord for his forgiveness and in the eyes of the Church you are "pure" again. But this is the same religion that Jesus said to pray alone and not to display your faith to prove to others how much you love God!
So by wearing this ring is the same as praying overtly in public to prove how much you love God. In my opinion it is VERY hypocritical indeed.
I don't see how after 5 sexual partners that waiting until you are married, only to find your husband is crap in bed is going to help you in the long term either. Surely you want the man you are going to marry to be perfect for you in every way, so how is finding out on your wedding night that he is not right for you, a good thing at all?
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (7 June 2009):
I think you should not wear the ring. If I understand correctly, those rings are used to imply that a person has promised not to have sex until marriage. That is not your case. Some people could think you're misleading them.
I think your decision to live your life the way you deem best is what matters.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): I watched a program on this. I'm in two minds about this, a lot of people may be offended your wearing the ring when you aren't a virgin and they are. Yet it's for yourself and a reminder
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): While I think Samantha x makes a good point about what the ring represents to you and how it may help you, I think you need to consider what it will mean to other people as well. To them it may signify that you have not had sex AT ALL and are waiting for marriage. You may be waiting for marriage but you have had sex already. Just take a look at these previous posts for example:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.htmlOrhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-kept-pure-for-my-wife-but.htmlor a lot of other posts from the archive. Although these might not relate directly to your situation, the point I’m trying to make is would you tell any future partner about the fact that you have had sex before, and the ring is just to remind YOU not to have sex AGAIN until you’re married. If you’re planning on being upfront and honest about this should the need arise then I don’t really see that much of a problem with the ring, if however you would mislead people into thinking you’re a virgin when you’re not then that’s not ok as some people value virginity very highly and lying about it could cause problems in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): I think that there was nothing wrong in getting this ring. What does it represent to you? Maybe when you look at it, it makes you feel stronger and closer to God. Perhaps it reminds you of how you would like to wait until you are married before you have sex again. Whatever it means to you, it can be a useful thing. So I think you're decision to get one was fine. x
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