A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im so confused and i have to make a choice soon. i have found myself in a bind dating two awesome men at the same time.the 1st guy is a recently divorced commander in the us army(i live in clarksville,tn-right next to ft campbell,ky). he treats me very well,helps me out sometimes if i fall short on my rent,i mean he's an awesome dude he is also 40yrs old and has two daughters and a grandson. im 28yrs old and i have a beautiful 7 1/2 yr old boy. the second guy is a mechanic. his money isnt right because he just graduated from an auto desiel college in nashville. i spend more time with him because the commander always travels. the mechanic is 25 with no children. ive dated jerks and assholes my whole life and i dont want to let either one of them go cuz they both treat me like a queen. the commander is getting stationed in tx in march and wants me to come with him. i dont want to give up my job with benifits,my fam and friends,and just uproot my child. i dont want to hurt either 1 and i like both of them alot. i dnt know how i got myself into this situatuon. they both seem to be crazy about me too. help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Hello!
Logic should outweigh emotion here. That is: Which guy does it make the most sense to be with? Also, who would be best for your child? Balancing logic and emotion in relationships if difficult and if you let a lot of emotion drive your decision to either man, I am fairly certain things will end in disaster as emotions cloud judgment a great deal. Good luck here. My best to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): theirs this dude tht asks me out alot but 1. he went out with one of my best frnds 2.he does it when i have a boyfrnd wat do i do without hurtin him bcus hes my frnd?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Very tough issue to help you with. You just have to follow your heart. Sounds like the mechanic has the edge on location because if you don't make a decision, you will be effectively deciding to stay with the mechanic because the Army officer will be heading to Texas with or without you.
If you choose the Army officer you've got a good, stable income, military benefits for your child and you (assuming you eventually marry him), etc. He'll likely retire from the Army in a few years and you guys could move wherever you wanted and he will have a retirment check from the goverment for life.
To me, if you're equally in love with both of them (which I doubt), the Army officer is the better choice from a logical standpoint.
Search your heart for which one you want to wake up to every morning when you're old.
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female
reader, ToxicPurpleNinja +, writes (1 January 2011):
 The question you need to ask yourself is do you want to build a life with someone from the ground up or do you want to slide into a secure home for yourself and your son. Love doesn't care about age. Forget about that. You can leave to Texas with to live with ease or you can take the harder road with a man you love so both of you can concentrate your love on the child and start from the roots. Do you want to uproot your son from the life he knows? Have you asked your son what he wants to do? How will this affect him? Both men seem like perfect choices, but weigh the benefits of both of them. None of us here can tell you which road to take. This is something that you need to weigh in on your own. I'm really rooting for you. Think hard about this one because one day you could regret the decision.
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A
male
reader, rhoomba +, writes (1 January 2011):
hmm, wow, that's tough, girl. first off, good for you for finding a man (well, two men) who treats you right.
i know it's hard to measure the balance between two people, but i don't think you should let this ultimatum impact your decision. you should tell him you're going to stay around and if it's okay with him you'll come join him when you feel you know what you want to do. i'm not sure if he knows you're seeing another person. there isn't anything wrong with you doing that, it's called dating. i was in a similar situation, but not as pressing. my ex who had moved to her home country but we kept romantically in touch told me she was moving back to the states two blocks away from me. she told me this two weeks after i met a really cool girl. i decided to ride it out and try to see them both. but when i saw the girl from brazil, it was always drama, but the new girl and i are calm together and she's really smart and it's kinda funny: one of the deal maker/breakers was that i couldn't sleep well in the same bed with the brazilian girl, she would intentionally try to disturb my slumber, she was a bit vindictive. but i slept well with the new girl, had restful dream-filled sleep. hmmm, i doubt that anecdote helps, and i really don't have an answer for you. but i don't like ultimatums, so what i'm basically saying is that you are young and you are independent with a job and benefits, so the only thing you should really consider is the way you feel with each person, who really respects you for who you are, who do you vibe with, who is more stable. they both care about you and like you, so i guess there is something a little more emotional and less concrete that you have to figure out about their personalities mixed with yours. good luck, keep up the good work with your kid and be true to yourself and your emotional needs
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female
reader, Damn-Babyyx3 +, writes (31 December 2010):
Which one make you feel loved? Gives you that feeling inside? Which one can you imagine being with for the rest of your life. Talk to each one about plans in the future, such as getting married and having kids. Their opinions could be different from yours. You need to think long term to. Good luck .
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