A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really do not know where to start.. Some of the questions asked seem "all to familiar". My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have 4 children total, all under the age of 11. Two from previous marriages and our youngest 3 and 1, we have together. When I met my husband I was very independent, was career oriented, provided for my son, who was in a private school that I paid for, and stood tall and felt good about myself. Within the 1st 2 years of our marriage, I lost my job, right after having a house built and we have pretty much struggled ever since. I know that at times I feel lost, because I am not the same person I use to be inside. We are down to 1 car and I am a stay at home mom, which keeps me homebound most of the time. All of my friends work, so I really do not get the opportunity to get out. In fact, when I do get out, even if to just run errands, I panic and rush to get home feeling guilty because I belong within the same 4 walls and should be home, which I am become accustomed to being "my place".. Over the past few years, I have noticed us drifting apart. Only I don't think he see's this, either that or he is content with life as it is or just fearful for saying anything. Right now, our initmate life is still there, but noticing some changes there too, the passion is not on fire as it once was. I don't know what to do? I love him so much and when he is not here, and at work all I think about is how much I miss him and cannot wait until he gets home. But then he comes home and after dinner, we are usually in our seperate rooms. Either one is on a video game/computer and the other watching TV, but never spending time together. We don't agree on any TV Programs, I have sat down and watched things we wants to watch, just for the sake of being next to him. He doesn't feel the same and he just doesn't get it... I cannot even remember the last time we went out on a "date". Bottom Line.. I love him and could not imagine my life without him, but as soon as he walks into the door after working, those feelings fade away inside me.. I get frustrated and annoyed (almost by his presence). Why is this? When he is not here... I want him to be and miss him and want him and need him.. When he gets home... NOTHING!!
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): I don't know if any who responded will get the chance to see this, but i hope so... This is the first time that I ever posted concerns or questions like this over the internet. I was not expecting much reponse, but took a shot at it anyway and have to say that I am glad that i did.. Looks like I am not alone in this world with my feelings.. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for all of your input.. IT truly does mean a lot to me... and alot of great advice that I am already taking into plan... Thanks Again!!!
** BTW, we did stay in Sat night, but got the kids to bed early and snuggled on the couch and watched a really great movie together (ALONE :) )... Thanks to All!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): I have exactly the same problemIt's because you're stuck at home all the time and you put all your hope in your husband to complete you. You expect him to come home and be your prince charming. You are becoming anxious due to lack of human interaction (excluding your children... but it's not the same). He's tired from work. He can't be as attentive as you want him to be maybe... you feel distant and lonely.You need to get out and have your own life. You have to MAKE TIME for you, get out of your house and make friends. This places less pressure on you and your husband. Community is an essential part of human life, in our hunter gatherer days women would hang out together all day collecting food - it's unnatural for you to be alone all day. First things first, why not set up play dates with other Moms? Consider getting some part time work, take some of the pressure of your husband to provide. I know it's difficult with kids and an unsure economic climate.Good luck, sweetheart. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 March 2009):
 I wish your husband was the one writing this question, because he seems like he needs an awful lot of advice and help. I think you are getting frustrated and annoyed with his lack of romance and intimacy and commitment to the basis of your relationship. The basis, is what I like to think of as what brought you two together. The fun of dating and joy of being with each other, next to each other. Expressing yourself and your love physically, but in every moment, with the little things to make you smile, even in the silence.
He needs to get back on track. I think this can be best done by you starting first. You may feel completely worn out of effort, but you can step up here too. Rebuilding a relationship can't be done by one alone, it's got to be met in the middle by both of you. I think you need to talk to him openly and honestly. If you feel like maybe writing him a letter or printing off this question and giving it to him, so be it. Either way, you need to let him know how you're feeling. Don't reveal this angrily, that will get you nowhere. You are sad. You are missing your relationship. You feel like he's detaching from you and drifting away. That should be what comes across, that emotion.
Then, why don't you make dinner reservations? Why don't you book a hotel for the night, or even something silly and small like ask him randomly to go bowling or maybe to the arcade (since he seems to like video games so much). If you feel like this problem needs a bigger solution, talk about going to couples counseling.
I hope your relationship finds it's happiness again. Good luck!!
...............................
|
