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age
36-40,
writes: When I was about 13-14 years old, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was also diagnosed with anxious/avoidant personality disorder, but the borderline one is the one I want to focus on in this article. I was only told my diagnosis a few years ago though. When I asked why I had never been told before, I was told, “You never asked.” But anyway...I had no idea what BPD was or meant. All I knew was that I had it, and it was apparently “severe”. So I did some research on it, and was appalled by what I read. It sounded terrible. However, it was a big relief for me. I could finally understand why I was the way I was, why I did the things I did. I gave loads of information to my mom, and it also helped her to understand me better.But I felt like I had been given a death sentence. The information and statistics painted a very dire picture. Apparently, people with BPD rarely, if ever, form stable, lasting relationships. They will be unable to make much progress or improvement with their difficulties. There is no known effective method of treatment. Mental health professionals are stumped by it, and dread working with people with BPD, as they are “so difficult to deal with.” It is a lifelong thing. There is no cure. It is not like depression, which can be treated. It is part of who that person is. Bring on the guillotine. For about a whole year, I lived in shame of my condition. I felt like I was flawed as a person. I mean, I had been told that my personality was “disordered”. I isolated myself from people, convinced that I was terrible, that it would be wrong for me to be a part of anybody’s life. I hid away. I believed that there was no hope for me. The statistics said so.But then I changed. I don’t know what exactly brought it on, but I worked on myself. I started taking an anti-psychotic, which may have had an influence. It calmed me, and helped me to stay in touch with reality more. It gave me a safer space to work on myself. I had to be really honest, and take a good look at myself. I looked back at things that had happened, and I acknowledged when I was in the wrong, when I had reacted the wrong way. For example, I have lost a lot of friends in my life. I spent years believing that it was them, that people in general are just intolerable. But when I look back, I can recognise some cases where it was in fact me who pushed them away. I had to face up to some hard truths. And I had to learn new ways of coping, rather than the extreme ways I used to in the past.I wouldn’t say that I am now perfect. Nobody is. But I have made a LOT of improvement, compared to how I was. I won’t go into the details of how I have improved, but I have. My relationships with people are better. My ways of coping are improving. It hasn’t been easy, but it is happening.That is why I am writing this article. I am so angry with how BPD is portrayed. I apologise for not listing some of the traits of this disorder, but I don’t want to start saying all of the things that “we” (people with BPD) do and feel. I am not going to stick us all into some stereotypical box. But there is information on the internet. Take a look if you are interested, but brace yourself. See why I am angry? From what I have read, there is no hope. Not only that, but some of the information I have read implies that people with BPD are DELIBERATELY trying to be “difficult”! Are you kidding me? Those of us with BPD...we didn’t choose this. So why do we get attacked? If you are struggling with depression, did you choose that? No. It’s not your fault. But apparently, some sources think we are to blame.I know BPD is a serious mental health issue. I won’t deny that. But does that mean that people with this don’t deserve the same things as everyone else? We don’t deserve relationships, because we can be too “difficult”? I accept that if someone is difficult to live with, you need to think of yourself and get out, if it is that bad. But what I’m talking about is how some people won’t even give somebody with BPD a chance. “You’ve got BPD? Right, well, erm...see ya...” That kind of thing. We are not monsters, you know. But okay, let’s be honest then. After reading this article, has your opinion of me dramatically changed from when you first started reading, now you know I have BPD? Am I out of order for thinking I can help people on this site? Should all of my answers be disregarded? The people who PM me, who turn to me for advice, support, a listening ear...am I somehow a risk to them now? I mean, I have the terrible BPD, right?Okay, just had to get that part out. But on a final note, I just wanted to say that, to anyone with BPD, or any other personality disorder who gets to read this...please don’t give up hope. I know it all seems bleak, if you read all of the information available. But you can improve. I have, and I am still trying to better myself all the time. It is not easy. It takes time. But it can be done. It might take some form of treatment to help, like with me. Or it might not. But it is not the end. It is not a death sentence. Or at least, it doesn’t have to be, if you don’t let it. It is scary at times. You have to be really honest with yourself. Brutally honest. And the people in your life may need support and information too. But there is no reason why you can’t do all of the things you want to do. If you believe in all of the statistics and horror stories, you may as well give up trying now. But I am determined to prove them wrong. You can too. The personality disorder is NOT who you are. I know it seems like it must be, but there is more to you than just that. It took me a long time to see that...but I did. See it for yourself too. Believe it. You are wonderful, no matter what.Thank you for reading this. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): had an emotional breakdown in august. psych in VA hospital saw me 3 times total of 20 minutes. after family meeting. wife asked what to do. she told her get a divorce att.BPD is not fixable. diagnosis is BPD. did not know much about BPD. was very open with family about diagnosis without knowing the damaging articles on the internet about BPD. my family looks at me like some kind of monster/wierdo. have been married 40+years. wife and I are dating. she says she can never live under the same roof as me. my heart breaks a little more each day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to add that, having had a quick look on the internet, it seems that awareness of personality disorders is finally improving. I found this site particularly helpful: www.bpdworld.org/ This page clears up four of the main misconceptions of BPD:
http://www.bpdworld.org/what-is-bpd/common-misconceptions
People with BPD are often referred to as being "manipulative", "attention-seeking", "demanding" and "obstructive". This page explores those labels with more fairness, in my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your comments. I was worried that this article came out sounding angrier than I had intended! But I guess I am just passionate about every person being given fair chances and opportunities in life, regardless of what "disorders" or difficulties they may have. In the past, people have disregarded my opinions, on the basis that my thoughts and feelings can't be trusted due to me being "unstable", and various other labels. That really angers me, so it was nice to get all of this out!
I guess I could write a book. But could you imagine how LONG it would be? And I'm only 22! It would be like a full-scale epic! Unless I cheated and typed it all in really tiny text...
Again, thank you for the comments. x
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reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 Well, I for one have to say 'brava' to you! A courageous woman, brave and maturing despite some major life challenges. I think we have a lot to learn from you and I hope you continue to share your hard-won wisdom and sensitive perspective with us and the people who come here to find answers to life's tough questions.
You help more than many people realize, and it's been my privilege to watch you grow and mature here too! You have indeed changed the way I thought about BPD and made it much less mysterious. Thank you so much for your significant contributions to the site and I look forward to more good things from you!
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I would never have thought you would have had BPD. I mean, obviously you can never know fully how someone is over the Internet, and I have not spoken to you much, but you seemed, and ARE what people would define as 'normal'. The way someone writes can say a lot I think. At least in my opinion anyway, and no, my opinion of you hasn't changed since reading this - not in a negative way. I have read all your articles and from that I think you have been through a lot and have come out the other side a stronger person. You will have inspired a lot of people on here including me, even though I have not been through what you have. You should write a book. Just keep doing what you're doing on here, and that is a great job of helping people :)
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