A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me ex-fiance is sending me some strange signals. At the end of our relationship, about a month before, she started to hang-out with another man, a single guy who she claimed she felt comfortable talking too, and hanging out with. I viewed it as cheating, and it kept going on, and getting worse. She started to lie to me about who he was, and where she was and etc, to a point where I decided one night to stop it all. Within a few weeks, though I decided I wanted her back and wanted to try and fix somethings, as I knew that I was partly at fault for the end and bad-things that went a long.For a few weeks I would try to contact her periodically, but most of the time I would get blown off. One night over a week ago, I tried to stop and say hi to her when I knew she was at a public place. When she found out that I and another friend of ours was coming in, she split out the back. A few days later, I get an email stating that she was concerned about what was going on in my head, that perhaps I was stalking her, and couldn't give her up. I wrote back and told her that I was not, and didn't know why all of a sudden she started to care about me again. This struck up a long conversation and contact again. I told her how I felt about her,and appologized for accusing her of cheating, even if that is what *think* I saw. She told me that I am a seriously special person, and that she wished it wouldn't have ended, and that she wants to be great friends with me, and see if possibly we can get back together, down the road. The conversations lasted over a week, to the point that she came over for a few minutes and talked. I wanted to go out and do something, like dinner with her (its been more than a month), but she rather goes out with friends instead. She was planning to go to another state to see family, and is planning to be gone for about 2 weeks. She sent me a message, statign that she was going to take a nap and then leave. I decided to go and try to say goodbye, only to find out that the man was there. I waited about 3 hours, and went back. He was still there. Instead of trying to confront her, again, I just left it be and went home. 20 minutes later I got a call from her and we talked for 2.5 hours, and text back-forth for at least 3 hours. I finally asked her what was going on with him, and another guy that comes-goes from her house. She said that they are just friends, she is not dating anyone (said that several times) and that the first guy just comes to her house everyday, because he is bored, and she is someone to talk to. She did say that he wanted to date her, but she isn't interested. I don't know if they are in-fact sleeping together. I never knew, but I also knew that she wouldn't tell me, if they were. However, he was there for 3 hours when she claimed she was sleeping.I'm seriously confused. She said she loves me, I have a place in her heart, she doesn't know exactly what she wants, and wants some space to figure it out for herself. Why would she tell me all of this, especially all of a sudden, and then carry on some relationship with this guy, especially if she knew I could know. Is it possible that she really is just friends with him or is she playing me? I noticed that she likes to talk to me, we've talked more in the last week, than we did in the final 3 months of our relationship.I feel like I should just block her off for awhile and give her time to come back. She knows that I don't care if she has friends of the opposite sex, but it seems very strange to me that she would say that about him, and then let him be there with her while she naps for 3 hours. I'm confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): If you are okay with this behavior and possibly living with it for the rest of your life then yes, accept it. If not, then maybe you should move on and if she decides to stop this behavior and be mature and honest then see where you and her are then. Until then, maybe focus on yourself and stop chasing her. Cause even if you aren't, she DID ask you if you were stalking her which is a bad sign. Its hard, but everyone goes through breakups..
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