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anonymous
writes: i really need some help lolive always been a good daughter and gotlike straight A's at school. I've never really been unhappy. And my friends always rely on me to take care of them and cheer them up. I get called "mum" and "happy" at school because I want to help people and take care of their problems.I'm fine with helping other people with their's buti can't seem to take care of myself at the moment. I cry when I don't want to and most of the time. I just lock myslef in my room and scratch the hell out of myself. Im covered in scratches and scars all over my thighs and stomach. And no one has any ideas.I dont want to tell any of my friends. It's just so ufair. I put this mask on when I go out, try and help people, making myself be nice to everyone I meet and get picked on for it. I jokingly get called "pushover" and "doormat". I hate myselfFOr instance I've got two best friends and we three have been close for ages. They bitch about each other to me and then when were together the go off by themselves. One of them was recently really nasty, said sorry to her friends but not to me. When I asked her why she didnt say sorry to me she answerd "oh I'm sorry. I thought you'd be fine with it. You always are". Why do the bitchy girls always get what they want?? Why are they so pretty? Why do guys like them more?So I stop being nice to people and be like them??help me please
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (27 December 2005):
 Sweety Pie
Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you need to change the person you are to suit them. You the one who has to look in the mirror each day and be able to respect the person you are, but there is nothing wrong in standing up for yourself either. There is nothing wrong in saying NO, I have to much to do today.
Bitchy girls are the way they are because they need to put other people down to feel better abouth themselves.
How many of those girls can look in the mirror each day and say to themselves i'm a good person with a good heart.
Crying is one of the gifts God gave us to help heal our hearts when it's hurting. There is nothing wrong with crying, cry till you can't anymore then go to bed and by morning you should feel better, maybe a bit puffy eyed but you will feel better.
And if you do need a shoulder, thats what friends are for.
If they can't be there for you then they not really your friends.
Don't hurt yourself physically cause other people get the better of you. At the end of the day you just cause your self more pain and that is not what you want to do.
When you feel you need to scratch yourself get a piece of paper and write down all the emotion running through your head and then burn it, or go and wash your hair.
Reason being there are a lot of nerves just under the surface of your scalp and when you wash your hair, it sooths them and relaxes you, try it and let me know if it works.
And if all else fails, i would love to be your shoulder to cry on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005): Hi there, I agree with everyone who has said to carry on being nice, i'd also like to add that you need to be less hard on yourself. You're allowed to cry! and feel upset, and have strange moods - you're a teenager going through puperty and so have about a million changes going through your body that you have to cope with - give yourself a break, in a couple of years your body will settle down and let you get on with a peaceful life.
Until then remind yourself whenever you feel down that you are an utterly unique person - no one else has your particular combination of genes and no one will have exactly the same experiences as you. You can offer the world something new - you just have to make it past these couple of horrible years without damaging yourself too badly - think about who you want to be and then focus on getting there. Good luck and remember - you're allowed to just say to people "I feel sad today." It helps so much - especially with parents.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): Never, ever stop being nice. Always, always be your true, authentic self, dear. And realize that you've chosen to be one of those compassionate, kinder people who want to live their lives on a higher plain. When you focus on being the best person you can be and use our goodness to help others, you should find a deep satisfaction in that, like no other. Being gracious, being compassionate, being helpful...are gifts and you are blessed. Not everyone has those traits..take pride in that. It should only matter what you think of yourself. Tough to fathom this when you are a teen girl, striving to be popular and well-liked by friends.
But--do you really believe the 'bitchy' girls are popular? On the surface they may seem to be..but how long do you think they will stay on top? Popularity can be fast and fleeting at it's best. At its worst, it can be shallow and meaningless. The real victory in your life should 'not' come from having the top spot at your school cafeteria's lunch table, it should be from bonding and being tight with a few close trusted, good, genuine friends who treasure you for who you really are. I don't know about your school but talking to some teen girls I know, I've been told: the popular girls are...truely genuinely nice, smart people. They don't have to party, drink, do drugs, have sex to stay popular. They are popular for all the right reasons..for just who they are.
So my dear, when people sense that you really care about them, like by always taking the time to say "hi" and ask how their day is going, they can't help but like you. You've proven you're considerate, open and interested. And that is just who you are...you are authentic. Remember, this ole saying: “It’s nice to be important, but its’ more important to be nice.” Live by that credo, dear. Because long after high school is over, you will be loved and cherished just for being you and your life will remain enriched and happy, as a result. So please..don't base your self-value on the "popularity of some bitchy girls at school". That's being unfair to you..ignore those bitchy girls and seek friends who love and respect you for just who you are. Stay strong and don't give up. I wish you all the best, dear...take care and have a wonderful christmas.
Hugs, Irish
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005): I have been through the same exact thing as you. Fortunately, I graduated high school and moved onto college. I realized that they werent really true friends because if they really cared about me, they would of been a hell of a lot nicer to me. (They did the same thing, complain about eachother, then bitch to me etc..etc..)They get what they want because they dont care what everyone else thinks. They could care less who gets hurt and very selfish people. You should be glad youre not like them. It might suck now, but think about five, ten years from now. You will meet lots of more people, and make new friends. New friends that aren't bitchy. You dont have to stop being nice, just don't let them walk all over you. Speak up next time too, like when she said "youre always fine with it", tell her you aren't! As for guys, the bitches always get the guys- but the wrong kind of guy. No on in the right mind you want to be with someone like that. Hope that helps somewhat!
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (23 December 2005):
 Hi dear, please dont ever let anybody put you down or make u change who you are.
What i think you are lacking for now is confidence. Confidence to be who you are and show people you are unique and special in your own right. Nobody likes people that are bitchy. They yield to them because there are scared. But no one really likes to be close to them and those sort of people if they dont change sometimes end up alone especially when they get older.
Also, think about all your good attributes. You are a straight A student and you are concerned about other people well being . You sort other people life without thinking about yourself. you are indeed a special girl.
Get a hobby for yourself. They do help build bring up your esteem and build confidence.it depends on what you like doing. you could join a band, ice skating, join the gymn to work out, play games like tennis e.t.c. you can also get a diary to express yourself.
Its also good to let your friends know when they offend you. Dont keep it all bottled up. but please you dont have to be nasty to tell someone when they offend you. dont just let people to ride on you for any reason stand up to them but do it with maturity and respect to your peers.
I believe you will be fine. Take care now and have a happy holiday
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female
reader, here2help +, writes (23 December 2005):
 Bitchy girls only get what they want as no one will stand up to them.Guys generally dont like bitchy girls as they like to THINK they are in control.My advice is don't change youself because of this.Watch what happenes to these bitchy girls.
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