A
female
age
41-50,
*i4466
writes:ok, don't know where to start and don't normally do this but here goes.... I am having a bit of trouble in the love life department :)I am going out with my boyfriend for the past 4 years and we have had our fair share off ups and downs..At the start he was a bit of a player and messed around-long story short he learned his lesson and we got back together after months of him begging me BUT we still have serious trust issues ( and i know what your thinking,if you have trust issues you shouldn't be with that person) but we have been true so much together and this bond we have is incredible but as I said before I find it hard to trust him even at the point of checking his phone and paranoid if he is even talking to a girl.. we went oh holidays recently and if he even looked at another girl i felt like crap and thought that he didn't want to be with me.....We are now living together but i am very insecure and if we are off with each other even one night im thinking he doesnt want me living here anymore, its so bad that i find myself constantly asking him does he love me and want to be with me.. Growing up i saw my mum question my dad and I think that might have rubbed off on me but he is def not helping the situation either.. Now when we have a fight i will move home and we wont talk for days because we are both so stoborn.. any advise??
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female
reader, hi4466 +, writes (6 February 2020):
hi4466 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate 9 years later.. we got engaged and he cheated!! With a lovely guy now and I'm pregnant so the moral of the story is here dont stay with a person if you dont trust him. Follow your gut x
A
female
reader, barbiedoll86  +, writes (18 February 2011):
As someone who doesn't act on suspicion; i would say for your own sanity tell yourself theres nothing to be found and don't go looking for it and if there is something hidden it will come out of its own accord - i'm not saying be completely complacent just let him trip-himself-up.The added advantage being that your "trust issues" can't be used later by a guilty party as "drinving them to it".I'm not saying your man doesn't warrant your trust just don't let it drive you mad cos after all he could be genuine.This is what i'm hoping - i'm now engaged to a ex-serial cheater (i've only just got the divorce paperwork through for my last marriage where i was cheated) - your not alone it's a common situation and a valid feeling.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Hunny you are really insecure and you have no self confidence. Even if things werent to work out with you and your boyfriend you would carry the exact same things in to the next relationship. Im sure him cheating at the start didnt help but after 4 years you should be able to feel secure with him. You have extremely deep issues here, and it sounds like you need constant reassurace that he needs or wants you. You cannot live like this anymore darling as you will drive him away and also it will only make you feel even more worthless.
So now is the time to get help. Tell yourself that you need to get help before it is to late and accept that you have a problem. Ok so the best thing for you to do is to arrange an appointment with a therapist. They will listen to you and guide you on to a path to self recovery. A path that is designed to make you feel better about yourself and also about your relationship. You need to love yourself before anyone else can love you. So go and make that appointment and start making the most out of your life. You can do it.
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