A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had a lot of trouble in my relationship of 11 months with my boyfriend. The deal here is that him and I are both very willing to turn things around, to make our relationship better... (There has been no physical abuse, or anything severe like that.. just fighting and lack of trust)So my questions are:1. Does love ever really fade?2. What is the difference between being in love and loving?3. Is there really a solid line that once you've passed, you can't try to make things better anymore? 4. Do people really change? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 1, Yes, Ann, love is like a flower if you don't care for it properly it will wilt stop blooming and die. Some people think that as you get used to a person love inevitably fades due to boredom. This is not true. Infatuation fades due to boredom. Love matures, becomes more rich and less flashy.
2, There are different kinds of love. Brotherly love felt in families. Parental love. Romantic love. etc. A good sign of true romantic love is caring more about the other person than you do about your self. Infatuation, which mimics true love is often marked with pride and jealousy. Those are selfish emotions.
3, There are certain hurts that you can inflict on person that are very hard for them to forgive. The closer you are to a person the more able you are to inflict that kind of wound. The type of wound varies from person to person, so there is no point getting specific.
4, Certainly, but, a wise person would withhold some trust. It is very easy for a person to slip back into old habits.
I thought your questions would be interesting to many people who read here. I think that applying good answers to general questions like this is helpful in solving many different specific problems. From what you have said about your current relationship, it is not healthy. Learning to solve relationship problems is a real help in adult living. At your age you can afford a few mistakes, there is plenty of time to start again with someone new.
FA
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (24 March 2010):
 1. Yes love can fade or you can fall out of love with someone yet still love and care about them.
2. Being in love is romantic and that strong attraction while loving is caring for that person and wanting them to be happy/well.
3.Thats a yes and no. If there is the willingness of both people to make it work then yes it will but there are cases when it is time to call it quits. For example any abuse or if there is too much fighting in the beginning it may not be worth it.
4. People can change drastically for the better or worse throughout their lives. It all depends on their experiences.
For your situation I would say try to work through it but if it doesn't get better within the month it might not be worth it to continue especially if it the same old problems over and over again.
Hope this helps you out.
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