A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator's Note: 3 questions from the same poster have been put together into one post]Question 1: How do I get over a guy whose made fun of me many times to my face and behind my back to his friends that can become very agressive in the littlest situations. We go to th same school church and we see each other alot I know being with him would not be long term but I stay awake at nights thinking over the possiblities how do I get rid of the thoughtsQuestion 2: I am so depressed...: I live in a small house where my parents don't get along they don't even speak to each other but neither is gonna move out... I don't get along with my older sister I can't wait for her to move out! I thought about going to therapy but I can't afford it.. I'm out of school right now because lack of money.... and last year the one guy I liked lied about me And him being in bed together we never slept together! I found another guy I like this year who thinks I'm boring and calls me a loser... I don't keep in contact with my highschool friends cause we all drifted apart so I don't really have much of a social life... How do I get over these things and embrace life?Question 3: Hey I am a virgin girl that likes to go to parties to drink and dance...is that wrong of me? What exactly is the definition of a good girl? And do guys look at u differently because you like to drink and party?
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 There is nothing wrong with drinking and dancing, overall. Who cares if people look at you differently? If I lived my life to please others, I would be miserable… and I am VERY HAPPY. ;-)
However, in your situation, I believe that you drink and dance at parties because you are sad and lonely and it is an escape. When this is the case, mistakes are made. Keep an eye on yourself.
It is obvious that you are unhappy and have low self-esteem. All of your troubles come back to that one thing. If you were a happier person with more self-confidence;
1) You would not entertain the idea of being with a boy who obviously doesn’t appear to like you AS A PERSON; certainly does not treat you as well as he would treat someone he considered worthy of respect, regardless of physical attraction.
2) You would not feel friendless and lonely.
3) You would crave parties and drinking much less.
Some ways to begin are to reconnect with your old friends. Maybe some will not be able to fit you into their lives at the moment, or on a regular basis, but my old friends and I try to connect anyway. We may get together for a night of drinks and catching up. One of my oldest friends and I love Halloween and zombies, so every Halloween we have a standing date to go to a Halloween Festival where we laugh and scream and run away from “chainsaw-wielding zombies” no matter how long it’s been since we’ve spent time together.
Join clubs that will take you out of your stressful home environment and allow you to socialize with people who share the same interests. Perhaps you could get your own job and use this time to make some money. I have met friends at work in the past as well.
Treat yourself in little ways; give yourself a pedicure, start reading fascinating books, take long hot baths. Reinforce positive thinking. For example, “ok – my sister and I don’t get along, but I love her, the big goof!” or “Life is hard right now, but I am smart and I will be fine,” or “That loser ex of mine is telling people he slept with me. That’s because he thinks having slept with me boosts his reputation to others. Well I know the truth and who cares what anyone else stupid enough to think I would sleep with HIM thinks!” If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?
Life is not about what happens to us. Bad things that happen to not define us. We are defined by how we DEAL with them. Are you a survivor? Will you roll with the punches, dust yourself off and never give up? Or will you allow yourself to be a permanent “victim of circumstance” and allow others to dictate your feelings for you?
If you START with some of these things, always working to make yourself happier, you WILL be happier overall, no matter what happens in life.
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