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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 24 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm 6 stone overweight but am not unattractive and don't understand why I have such bad luck. I've tried all the diets and everything but none of it works. How do I meet a nice guy who'll love me for me? I don't know how to date!! Please- I would be so grateful for any advice/ideas. Thankyou.
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never had a boyfriend, overweight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (10 August 2005):
 If you have tried everything in which to lose weight, have you considered going to the doctors to investigate a physical cause?
Projecting a confident self image does help as men prefer women who smile than those who don't and there are men out there who will look on the inside as opposed to the outside of a woman (not that I'm saying you should be ashamed of how you look) its just finding them that is the problem!
Don't give up hope, do keep trying as there is someone special out there for you. How about internet dating? Have you tried that?
Go to different places too rather than they typical places like pubs and clubs. You could strike up a conversation with a man in a book shop or a library or a leisure centre.
Join new groups too, something that you enjoy.
Whatever you do, don't give up. Keep looking and one day you will find the right man who will appreciate who you are and love you for all the qualities you have to offer.
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (10 August 2005):
 You are trying to apportion "luck" and your weight issue as being directly responsible for your lack of guys. Let me tell you something. I know people with cancer, with arthritis, with other chronic illnesses which they WISH they had a choice about. Sorry to be harsh, but being fat is a choice. You can CHOOSE to do more exercise, to eat less, to become health. You don't have a chronic illness that will eat away at and kill you. You have a lifestyle disorder. If you stop blaming "luck" and make your own luck, by reading up on exercise and nutrition and taking steps to control your weight, you will find your life will change. Take your life into your own hands woman. Eat a good diet. Do exercise. No more excuses.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (10 August 2005):
You have to get out and meet as many people as possible to give you a better chance of meeting mr. right.
Be confident in yourself and talk to new people and people will want to spend time with you. Your weight is not the issue here, your confidence is. Start believing that you are going to meet someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2005): You write about an issue that troubles many women a great deal. You are beginning to feel that you are running out of resources and hope. All of us face different challenges-God didn't make any of us perfect, and the challenges some of us face may seem to be more difficult. Is this fair? No, but that's life.
I'm not going to tell you that you must lose weight in order to have a happy social life. I know many larger women who have wonderful social lives-dating a variety of men. They have attitude-they are fun, great gals to be around. What you can do is maximize your appearance to your best to feel good about yourself, which is something that all singles do. Have a makeover, a new hairdo, buy a nice new outfit. When someone likes herself-she projects a positive glow and a happy outlook that is often contagious and others take note of that.
In all honesty, I can't tell you that you will have the same opportunities as slim women to meet and be attractive to potential dating partners. Sadly, our society views thinness as beautiful and it's the harsh reality that a large percentage of men who will not want to date larger women because they have been conditioned to be attracted to slimmer women. However, there are some very fine men who do not mind a woman who is heavier than the ideal. They are out there..just got to find them. Your larger size is not an insurmountable barrier to finding the man who is right for you. Don't be shy about approaching friends/family and asking them to help you. Network, girl! You have to be proactive and help yourself. Get out there & have fun doing it.
The bottom line is that people of all shapes and sizes fall in love and get married. There's a great man out there for you, and I hope that during your search for that one special guy, you bear in mind that he's the only one you've got to find and attract. Stay happy..stay focused and it will happen.
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