A
female
age
41-50,
*nonymous_Chick
writes:Hello Cupid Friends.. I been married to my husband since May of this year we have and are having our first year dramas which all newlyweds have.. The first one was his porn collection he loves porn use to watch it every day on dvd on his iphone at work with his buddies on each others iphone, I would pick up his phone the site would still be on the screen! He told me that he is in love with me and he would never cheat and that he knows what he wants, he said he loves to just look at sexxy women with big butts and that hes in the house where I can see him doing it so whats the big deal!? So I had to put my foot down and say enough is enough!I starting looking at his phone and computer history deleting sites and every time I would find out he was looking at those sites I confronted him and he would get an attitude saying that he could not stop over night and that hes working on it.. So I gave him a chance so a month or so goes by he was using the computer all day and when I got on there was all this history of porn sites dating sites and shemale sites so we got into a big arguement about it and I left til the next day. When I came back he said he was sorry and he does not want to lose me and said he would never cheat on me but he loves to look at porn.. I confronted him on the shemale sites and he said he is not gay or bi he just likes to look at there asses or just an ass does not matter about anything else and that the dick totally turns him off. I know he has a thing for ass and nice bodies because I have both that's why he was atracted to me so we had a long talk all day, to be exact and he promised me that he would not do it and if he felt like he did he would tell me. That has worked out since then but i'm not going to say i'm all innocent I like freaky sex we bought a strapon he would let me strapon him which really turns me on when were doing he would talk dirty to me saying that he wants to do a big booty female in the butt and a shemale with a big butt but only from the back because he does not want anything to do with his d**K or face. So during sex I would play along because I considered it bedroom talk and it would not go any further.Last nite he called me over to the computer with him so we could find that female and a shemale that we could hookup with. I told him that it turned me on in the bed but to really do I didn't want to because we are into church and that is a sin! He said he just wants to do it and get his fantsy over with and move on with his life and ask for forgiveness. I'm 29 years old and my husband is 48 I know he loves me and I love him dearly he is a hard worker provides for me he does not smoke or drink comes home right after work and respects me should I do this and get it over with or will this mess the marriage up and does this make him bi? Help Please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous_Chick +, writes (5 December 2009):
Anonymous_Chick is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to Thank everyone for the sound advice.. You can't talk about all things with family and friends it's not there business.The second person who replyed to my question asked how long had I knew this man before I married him well I meet him in March of this year and married him in May I know it was rather fast but we had alot in common I layed everything out and I thought he did too!When I asked him about the dating sites he said hes on there just looking at women not hooking up so I looked at a few of the sites that he was a member on and he set it up but didn't put any info up about his self or pictures.I'm not to keen on doing any type of threesome because as you said when you do it once he will convice me to do it again.I'm wondering if I say no will he go behind my back and do it? I want the marriage to work but will his sexual desires become to much or will it mellow out? I think some men can never be satisfied the more they get the more they want!Your right about the sneakyness..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): eek! I would consider him a porn addict. What really caught my eye is when you said he was looking for people to have threesomes with, that always ends bad if you're in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Hello. You dont say how long you knew this man before marriage but it sounds as if hes a Grade A internet porn addict. The fact that he watches porn at home AND work would seem to bare that out. As you asked him to stop its safe to assume you arent very comfortable with it all. Hes trying to introduce you to new ( for you) ideas but i would guess hes always had a fancy for sex with a male. And yes, of course having anal sex with another man means he is bi sexual, whether he wants to see the mans face or not. And having sex with others is breaking his marriage vows and cheating on you, even if he has convinced you otherwise. If you arent interested in what hes suggesting, state that very clearly to him or he will keep trying to soften you up to the idea. He sounds very persuasive, i hesitate to say hes grooming you for a more diverse sexual relationship, but it sounds as if he may be doing so. As you were obviously unware of his fantasy until now and he has been teaching you to find certain things accetable by `reasoning` with you. It would have been much fairer if he had spoken to you about his sexual interests BEFORE marriage. A particular fantasy like his, has probably been with him for some time. You only found out by checking the pc history, so hes not been open and honest with you has he? Maybe hes said he left it in history hoping you would find it because he didnt know how to tell you, blah blah. What you are doing in the bedroom is fine as long as you two are enjoying it. Taking it out of your comfort zone by introducing others could be fun. Or a total disaster! As you dont sound keen on doing so because you are `church` people then maybe you should leave you bedroom talk in the bedroom, and he should try and curb his desire to have sex with other men and women. Telling you he will only do it once may be true but i doubt it. And once its done theres no going back. It probably would affect things between you. Personally i have a feeling, given his age and the amount of time hes been into porn, that he may have already done similar things with others. And you have to realise that once you have agreed and have sex with others, he could throw that fact back at you anytime he wanted to do it again. He has said he wants to do this once then ask for forgiveness, which says alot about him. You should take note of that and remember it. Some sin alot and think nothing of it once theyve asked for forgiveness. Make sure he doesnt treat you in this manner! As for moving on. There wont be any need to be forgiven or try to move on if you dont do it. Why make problems if the marriage is ok? As for respecting you. Hmm. I dont think getting you to `play along` with bedroom talk and then turning it against you like this, or asking you to be ok with him having sex with other women and men is really respecting you, is it? Its your choice but id be very careful what you agree to. And what plausible reason has he given for being on dating sites? No doubt it was a convincing excuse. Hes good at this isnt he!Just be very wary and say no if you want to. If he doesnt like it then its tough because he should have checked out that sort of thing with you well before, not brought it to the table 7 months into your marriage. He may be a good provider but thats not enough to sustain a good marriage. My partner is also a good provider doesnt drink, smoke ect. That doesnt mean he can sit watching porn at home all the time, visit dating sites and have sex with other women AND men! Dont get talked into doing things you dont want to do. He sounds sneaky to me and not nice at all. You should be enjoying your honeymoon year with him now not finding out hes bi and wants sex outside of the marriage!
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