A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for a while now and its been the most rocky relationship I've ever had. Its very on again off again which is weird considering we haven't even been together a year yet. He uses drugs and I found this out a few months back but decided to look over it because of my feelings. I have been trying so hard not to judge him. It was hard to believe at first until I got some real confirmation. There were warning signs but I slept right through them. He gets very angry when I say something he doesn't like and always seems edgy and irritable. I've done my homework on cocaine abuse symptoms so I know his behavoir is an effect of the drugs. I so desperately want to help him but I know I cannot. We recently broke up AGAIN due to cheating and this is it for me. He's the drug addict but I'm the one who feels like I need counseling. I need some support in dealing with this matter and getting over him. He's very charming and when he wasn't high we had the greatest times together. I really miss him already. I also called him some bad names regarding his habits during the break up which I feel terribly bad for now. Is it harmful to an addict to bash their drug abuse? I called myself just being real with him but I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. Was I wrong? Please help...
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 Excellent life just got 80% better for you and your future relationships. Hats Off !!! Rock On!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCupidus, thanks so much for your response. You are very right I am a co dependent! Even though I was not aware of his drug use in the beginning, all of my exs have had some type of issue that consequently destroyed our relationship. From absent father syndrome, to neglect, and now dug abuse, everyone has been so needy! Thank you so much for your advice I will be attending my fist C0DA and NA meetings on this Monday.
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female
reader, cupidus +, writes (8 April 2011):
Anyone involved with a drug addict and is not a drug addict is Co-Dependent, read up on this and yes you do need to join Al-Anon, you'll learn so much about yourself and him too.
In the meanwhile, a user has only one mistress, his addiction.
Cocaine is his only love, everyone else is just a means or a shoulder.
You must back off, any addict not in a program will never change and things only get very very worse.
Good luck I am sad to hear you love someone with an addiction because it's such a hard road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding I doubt if we will get back together this time though. Thing is when we met he told me he was a rehabilitated user. Everyone says I should have let it go no further there but you can't judge people based on their past and I really liked him, we had crazy chemistry! Now, he's in denial about his cocaine abuse, with me anyway and when I questioned him he was calling friends etc trying to figure out how I knew. When he told me he was a previous user in the beginning and now clean I believed him until I met a close friend of his who was obviously on drugs so I knew there was no way he couldn't have relapsed. Truth is, he never stopped and I guess the lies were to keep me from judging him or not even pursuing the relationship at all becuase he knows what type of woman I am and drug abuse is unscceptable. Right now I'm so hurt because I wanted a future with that man and it kills me to know he will continue to put that poision into his body. I care so much for him but he doesn't even care enough about himself to seek help or even be honest with me about it so I could perhaps help him. I'm still in a very bad place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I recently started dating a guy that also uses drugs. He's been using them for a while now, long before I met him so that's probably the same in your case. He's probably been using them, therefore, he most likely, won't stop. I deal with it because, I tell him not to come around me when he's doing the drugs or when the drugs are in his system. And, he doesn't. When he is around, he's fine but yes, he does get angry very easy also. It might take you some getting used to since you just found out, but try what I said and maybe things will be a bit easier.
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