A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys:)Recently, I've been having a few problems with my boyfriend, not major ones at all, just little ones.Now, I found out he watched porn because I went to type in youtube on his computer and it came up with a porn site in his history underneath the seach thing. I got a little annoyed because it said '/live' after it, so I questioned him, saying I don't mind that he watched porn at all, but the fact that it is live porn is really not acceptable to me. I found out it wasn't that he watched live porn, he watched normal porn but live adverts pop up, he even shown me and I completely believe that, so now I'm okay about the porn thing.Then, I went on his computer the other day, as he was sat next to me, and I was saving pictures of hairstyles I like as I'm getting my hair done next week. When I saved them they automaically saved them in a folder where I could see his other saved pictures, and there were three pictures of girls, not glamour model ones, like tattood emo girls in their bra and underwear... completely different style to me :(It's made me feel really insecure :( and he was saying things like 'i just have a thing for girls with tattoos, and for emo girls'... but i'm not like that!I told him this, and he deleted them and cooked me a meal that night, and was being extra nice to me as i think he knew i was a little hurt.But it's still getting to me, and now I'm thinking about the porn thing again. My ex used to watch porn but it was all just about watching the action, but with my boyfriend he seems to watch videos of girls on their own, not having sex but masturbating etc, so he's looking at other girls!It is really immature if I save pictures on my laptop of naked ish guys, and emo guys etc, or do you think it wouldn't bother him and just make me look silly?????Help appreciated!!! xxxxxxxxx
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 These days, guys are going to watch porn. Many women do as well. The thing is, "Does it actually affect your relationship?" When I was much younger - a good while ago - pornography was rare. Or at least, I didn't know much about it and didn't care. About the only thing I ever saw was Playboy Magazine on occasion. Today, porn is all over the Internet. Again, guys are going to watch it. They just need to try to control/moderate it so that it doesn't affect relationships.
If you figure out a way to make guys stop watching porn, let me know and we can buy our own islands.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 August 2012):
 I have many links that talk about this on my profile (just click my name to get there). I highly recommend you read through them. Lots of women struggle with this issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): "It is really immature if I save pictures on my laptop of naked ish guys, and emo guys etc, or do you think it wouldn't bother him and just make me look silly?????"
Yeah it would be very immature OP and not only would it not bother him it would backfire because you'd have no reason to complain about him doing it if you too are doing it, do you know what I mean?
I have a thing for those type of girls too, in fact SuicideGrils is my favourite erotica site and my girlfriend isn't anything like those girls but you know what OP? I'm not solely restricted to liking one type of girl you know. I like redheads, brunettes, blondes, tall, short, tattoos, no tattoos, the emo type, the rock chick, the plain Jane, the sporty athletic type, for me and pretty all the guys I know we have a wide variety of "types" of women we find attractive for a lots of different reasons.
Personally I find women with beautiful pieces of art on their bodies quite aesthetically appealing, like a painting, when it's a well done tattoo that is placed well on the contours of the female form that is a lovely thing to look at but it doesn't make me want them OP, I don't want any other girl than my girlfriend. No other woman is appealing to me in the sense of me wanting them in any way, I just like how they look, the same way you may see Hugh Jackman or Daniel Craig or other such hot actor with a great body topless in a movie and think "look at that body, that's nice" You know? You don't want that actor and you don't feel in any way bad because you don't have him, you don't even think of a comparison between him and your boyfriend, it doesn't matter whether your boyfriend looks like him or has the same physique, you think nothing more than "that's a great physique, he's hot" and that's it. Well we guys are the same OP, we choose our girlfriends because we think they're beautiful, we don't compare them to other girls because there's really no need, they're all we want, when we think of love fantasize about beuatiful places and beautiful things we generally imagine our girlfriends being right there beside us. OP you should trust that a guy only wants you and puts you above all other women in the world until you see real life evidence that this is not the case.
Now saying that OP, if it's something effects you deeply and you can't get rid of it from your mind then you don't have to accept it either if you don't want, that too is your right.
But you know what the most worrying thing here is, this guy deleted those pictures for you, he even cooked a meal for you to cheer you up and now you're actually considering getting revenge on him by saving some pictures of guys to hurt him the same way?
I would dump you right this minute for that because put simply he more than made it up to you and it's still not enough?
Seems like he just cant win OP and may be better served walking away from this relationship if you can hold onto bitterness this way even after he has bent over backwards to make it up to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 August 2012):
 downloading pictures of men or you watching "women's porn" won't bother him. Men are visual more than women usually and they see nothing wrong with it.
Personally I see nothing wrong with it either... but then I'm secure enough to know that while I'm not all that and a bag of chips, my man loves me and is with me... he just can't eat steak every night... once in a while he wants chicken or fish.
watching someone masturbate is not about them but rather the activity.... seriously.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2012):
 I will start with your last question:
**** It is really immature if I save pictures on my laptop of naked ish guys, and emo guys etc, or do you think it wouldn't bother him and just make me look silly?????****
It won't bother him one bit and yes, you will be the one looking silly.
TWO wrongs (so to speak) doesn't make a right.
It's HIS computer, so what he downloads is on him.
And he really isn't looking at other girls, he is looking at lady-bits. Some guys aren't really picky what they "wank" to. I bet you he couldn't tell if one of them had a birthmark on her face or was missing an ear.
So if you SAY you are OK with porn, WHY do you think it's up to you to decide what KIND he can watch?
Seems to me, that you aren't really all that OK with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): You could tell him it bothers you, and you wish him to stop saving pictures to the computer.
You can't really stop him from watching porn because he will just find ways to do this for example when you're out of the house, or in the bath etc. You could say to him if he's going to watch porn, to clear the history after him so you don't see it.
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