A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now and everytime we go somewhere that requires money he never shouts me. We either pay separately or i pay. Im not a gold digger, i appreciate anything that comes my way bt 2 years and i still pay for most things like lunch, movies, i even pay for drinks when we're out and always pay for our cab home. He has a job but i dont really know where his money goes. I love him a lot, i just get so jealous when i hear my girlfriends talking bout their man buying them this and that; and i cant even get a bunch of flowers from my bf. I'm not saying i want an expensive watch or diamonds. I'm talking simple things like a bracelet or something! I just want to feel appreciated because i do a lot for my guy.I also feel like i cant rely on him in the future. Not saying i need to rely on him ALWAYS but everyone falls at some point in their life financially and emotionally. It'd be nice to feel secure in a relationship. My bf is a good guy, i understand he's still learning because im his first real girlfriend and first love. He's 24 soon and wants a future with me bt i really want him to man up! My parents (mum especially..) are worried about me having a future with him. My life now is good, we have a family business and its doing great. So you can see why my parents would be so worried about me getting serious with someone who practically can't take care of himself. How do i get my guy to grow up? HELP :(
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 You tell him that if he doesn't step up, he is out. No, everyone is quite right: you don't want one of those guys who always has an excuse why he couldn't quite even get to the petrol station to buy you a bunch of crappy flowers on your birthday ... trust me, they are not the ones to settle down with. He will be selfish and you will be constantly doing everything, and when you have kids you will most likely also do everything, and you will carry him all your life ... and that isn't fair, because the best partnerships are two-way things. Two people pull better than one on their own. Such partnerships achieve more in life and are happier and more fulfilled. Why waste your life feeling resentful and tired? Because trust me, that is how it will go. Tell him you want to see a change. If it's too embarrassing to say to him, write it down. Then see if he does change. What concerns me is that this is probably just how he is, and you might have to detach yourself from him anyhow ... but ok, give him a chance. Everyone is totally right to be so worried, though. I didn't know about these things, and I have ended up with exactly those kind of men who need everything - and it is such a waste of one's life. So if you have the chance, pick a better one. Because there really are some better ones.
A
female
reader, nothing but the truth +, writes (3 April 2011):
Ok first of all you say you want him to man up, have you actually said to him that he needs to grow a pair and do what he should have been doing from the start? More than likely not!Its not just a one way thing you know, unless you slap them with a brick men are rarely going to notice that it pisses you off, so my suggestion is that you tell him to book you dinner, take you out and show you a good time.If this is one of your major problems in a relationship, and your not willing to tell him what you want, then theres no hope for you. If it carries on you'll both be miserable. Take the bull by the horns and tell him how it is.
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