A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 14 wks pregnant and my bf just told me last night that he is not 'mentally attracted' to me. We are living together and I feel absolutely crushed by this. I told him last night I was highly concerned as there was no intimacy since I have fallen pregnant and it bothered me, he also has probs to stay hard on top of it all. I told him if you are not attracted to me physically etc just tell me. Its better I know what it is then not. Then he says I am not mentally attracted to you hence the lack of intimacy. I said if that is the case, why are you living with me?? why you make me think you are if in fact then you are not?? He said prior to me living with you I was mentally attracted to you. Ouch. The pregnancy was also an accident - pill fail and condom broke - this is not the prob. We don't get on as well as we should living together and I feel he is using any old excuse to avoid sex. I am v hurt and trying not to let it get to me for the sake of the unborn baby. I had a baby die on me before and in that pregnancy my partner of the time was abusive and upset me no end so given the fact he knows my history and if he cares so much for this child then why is he hurting me like this?? does he not get that when you hurt the mother he is hurting the child too...indirectly. IDK...but any advice would be greatly appreciated...just feel in pain throughout my body and cant stop the tears. Find it so unfair.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe did use protection but it failed. Condom broke on us and my pill went right through my body. I agree with the two choices Cerberus has said and I am def not bribing him to stay with me or love me. If I sound like a victim in my question - sorry - guess am just v hurt by it all more than anything else. Like I said simply crushed. Usually a person makes you feel the opposite of this during pregnancy hence my confusion over his behaviour. Thanks for both your answers nevertheless.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): An accidental pregnancy isn't the best way to jump start a marriage or loving relationship. It will work against you in the long run and leads to break ups more than staying together. He's not trying to hurt you or the baby. You both were reckless and didn't use protection so it's probably not what he pictured for himself. He's putting things in the right perspective so you aren't led on. He seems like he'll be there for the baby and that's the most important thing but you can bribe someone into staying with you or loving you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): OP I think you know what the deal is. I think the hurting you and the baby thing you said is an over reaction. He can't make himself attracted to you in that way, if he could he would. He probably didn't tell you this before to protect your feelings and the baby inside you.
He just doesn't see you that way anymore OP, it really sucks but it happens.
As I see it you have two choices, you can stay living together and stay in this unhappy relationship or you can get him to move out and take a break.
I know you're hurt OP and that's understandable but try not to blame him for this, it's not intentional he just can't help how he feels it's as simple as that. It sucks but that's just the way things are so try not to play the victim just figure out the best way forward from here.
In my opinion I think it would be better if he moved out for a while. No intimacy and he can't even get an erection with you is a very bad sign. So unless you'd be happy just living with him as friends with none of that then it would be better if he just left for a while.
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