A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months... i knew him for year before though, and i knew him as a cheater... when we first started dating he cheated on me twice... now that months has passed by i thought i can forget but i cant... i keep thinking hell do it again even though hes with me more than half the time... but the other night his ex texted him and i told her to leave him alone and she said that he was with her Saturday night, the one night we weren't together... (she is psycho tho and lies to everyone just to get him back)usually when you put him in the spot he breaks down and tells the truth but this time he admitted to not doing it... im going crazy thinking that hes doing it again, but i dont wanna break up with him if hes not... im even stopping him from going places without me because im so scared.. idk what to do
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female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (27 April 2010):
 You know, you can't go through life worrying that he is going to cheat on you because what will inevitably happen is that you'll push him away and the relationship will indeed become a self fulfilling prophecy and fail.
When someone cheats on us more than once we make a huge decision in taking them back and so put ourselves on the line for them. Unfortunately the fact that they cheated in the first place leaves us with underlying doubt even if they're never going to do it again, the damage is done.
When you chose to take him back after cheating the first time, you needed to say to yourself that you would trust this person 100% and without question. If you can do that, if you can learn to love him without worrying about the cheating, then you won't be so stressed about something that probably isn't happening and it won't reflect on the relationship and he won't feel as though he is being held captive, nor want to push away.
IF (and this is a very big if) he is going to cheat, he will cheat whether you worry about it or not. IF he does, you know you have to let this one go. He's no good for you. BUT, if he never cheats on you again, you'll have a better relationship together if it was one in which you were not worrying all the time.
Other women will come and go in your lives in many different capacities and some may try to play you, but you have to focus on you and your relationship together and say "you know what? I'm better than this, i HAVE to have trust."
For all the wrongs he may have committed, if you cannot find the trust, you may as well call it a day now before you do yourself any unnecessary damage.
You cannot baracade your doors, you cannot keep this man from having his own life - this will just suffocate him all the more. Think about it like the child who never is allowed candy as a kid and so spends his whole childhood thinking of that candy, only to buy the shop when he's old enough and thinks of nothing less.
You may need to sit down with this man and explain yourself to him. Even if you have to do it by way of a letter to get it clear in your mind and clear in his. Maybe even seek some couple's counseling?
I'm sorry that you feel as bad as you do in the situation as he's caused it to be so, but you can help stop the cycle.
I hope it works out for you xx
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (27 April 2010):
 You can't hold him hostage! That will only make matters worse! I'm sorry he has hurt you so badly. But I have to say that as much as you want to believe him...the ex is probably telling the truth.
As for trusting him...you can't! How could you when he's got his ex texting him??? Trust has to be earned! He needs to show you by his actions that he can be trusted. You don't just flip a switch and turn your trust back on! Him just telling you he can be trusted isn't going to help, when the guy isn't trust worthy??? What has he done to regain your trust?
By taking him back each time he cheats, you might as well be condoning it. He is conditioned to cheat, and get you back. You can't change His behavior, but you can change Yours!
Good Luck!
~BG~
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