A
female
age
36-40,
*CF123
writes:Everyone has a past. My boyfriend is 28 and I am 23. He dated a girl for almost 4 years and they broke up almost 2 years ago. I keep in touch with a few of my exes once in a while about once a month or every couple months.Last night my friend called my phone and I was confused and picked up his phone while I was half asleep. After going through half of his phone and finally realizing it wasnt mine I came across calls to his ex girlfriend. He had called her Saturday, Wednesday, and Friday all during the day. As I remember it he called her. I told him what happened this morning and he said she was calling him and that he needs his money back from her. She owes him 4400.It seems like he lied to me when he said she calls him but he was really calling her.What do I do? What does this mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): I hate to say it but I would feel as though this sounds fishy. My suggestion is to calmly talk to him about it. Do not worry about sounding like you are jealous or can't trust him. You have the right to get clarification if the situation is eating at you but yelling and being defensive my make things worse. If you happen to notice that there are other signs that things don't add up, you may have a problem. But don't LOOK for them because of one suspicion You obviously feel as though there is more to this (only you can answer that). Perhaps it is for a good reason. Perhaps it is because, as you admitted, you are cloudy on the details as you were half asleep. However, if you don't get the clarification you need, it will eat at you and could come back misplaced. If he is innocent and you lay it out honestly and calmly, he should be respectful enough to answer you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): I am not sure anything shady is going on, but 2 years is a long time to owe someone that kind of money! Maybe they are having a discussion of how she is going to pay it back.
I would probably just stay out of it and not get too jealous, and sit back and just observe for a bit because if you make too big a deal out of it and something is going on, they will just get sneakier about staying in touch.....so just sit back and observe and it may go away on it's own if it is just about money.
Does she live in the area? Suggest to your boyfriend that you all meet for coffee or something, that way you could feel OK with him contacting her...
Unless you have reason to think he is cheating, I wouldn't get all confrontational about it or question him too much unless you have other signs that are bothering you just now.
Patience my dear.
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A
male
reader, wrekd +, writes (7 February 2009):
There is something else going on that you really need to confront him about. A single call would have solved the problem of money owed, not multiple ones. Do not get defensive but confront him about it, how it makes you feel, and get some closure about it or it will eat at you for the rest of your relationship. You could always ask him to put himself in your shoes, how would he feel?
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