A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidPlease interprete these kinds of reactions to me, My boyfriend broke things off with me because he is marrying his ex which he made pregnant. Everyone feels this is sweet and responsible of him to make such a decision. When he broke the news I was devastated, I couldn't breathe and i was always in tears, it didn't make sense why would he do that. It has been a dragging two months, we couldn't get over each other. He was trying to get over me while I was trying to get him back.....I have never expressed emotions like i did with this relationship. Well the story is that the woman who fell pregnant was the recent ex (which i doubt) but immediately when he got the news, his first reaction was to marry her.The girl stays more than 300k away.It was not easy for me to get over the guy because I was never for once been threatened by this woman, coz she doesn't even visit.We cant seem to get over each other, he keeps rolling back at me and I always consider taking him back, but one thing i set str8 is that i will never sleep with him....3 days back he came to me and told me he cant cope, he told me that he really loves me and he is hoping that things will work well for us one day. He also told me that he is scared of what people around me think of him. He begged me not to tell it all to people, so that if things work fine between us again, my friends wont look at him as a bad person.I was with him the whole day 2 days ago but i didnt have the gut to express because a situation like this is so confusing.When i spoke to him he told me that, he had a dream as a young boy, to marry the first woman who falls pregnant by his child, whether he is in love with her or not. He also told me that he doesn't want to complicate my life. My point was that if he loves me and i love him I think we can work things out. I don't but his conviction of marriage. I was prepared to be his girl, only if he didn't have plans with the other woman.Now when i respond positively to him and start accepting him back he pulls away. He went back into not picking my calls again, which is what he likes doing. I hate the chop and change character. I feel like its fine when its him feeling like chasing me. but he will not allow me to chase himWhat could be this confusion, can it be that he is in love with me but forcing himself to do the right thing?or is he playing games with me. I love him but now i feel exhausted. Its not easy to just wipe the slate clean and move on.... please advise
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): If he has not already married her then he should cancel all plans to do so right now, for heaven's sake!He clearly does not know his own mind and its not fair either to her or to you.If you were to learn, tomorrow, that the wedding had taken place over the weekend, then you would have no choice but to categorically refuse to see him, accept his phone calls, emails or texts - and you know it!If at this point he is still single if he decides to call it off (and he wouldn't be the first; many weddings have been cancelled as little as a couple of days before they were to take place!) he still needs to arrange to pay child support and visitation rights.Even if this is how it turns out, he is going to need a little time to get his head together concerning his feelings for you versus his sense of obligation to the other lady and the baby.I'm essentially repeating Angeloflove's advice to you, I know, but this is how I too see it.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 This guy need to decide what he wants to do and stick to it. By coming back to you, he is dragging you into this mess.
If he really loves you, he should be with you.
I do not believe that people should get married if they do not love each other.
A child will not be happy in a loveless marriage and soon enough he will resent doing "the right thing by the pregnant girlfriend". I doubt is she knows that he comes to you for support.
Ask him to choose once and for all, if he chooses marriage and a baby, never have contact again to allow you to move on with your life. You do not want to be stringed along with this or become the other woman.
If he wants to stay with you, he can still be a father to his baby and be part of his life.
Lots of hugs
Angel of Love
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