A
female
age
30-35,
*arah2121
writes:Hey everyone, My bf of almost 3 years broke up with me yesterday. I feel it was mostly out of the blue. I'll give you some background info. We have been dating wife we were 18 and pretty much straight away starting see eachother everday. One night we would stay at mine the next at his. We moved out for a few months a year ago and moved back home after as we couldn't afford it. I think that was when I started being more demanding as he wasn't lifting his weight around the house. I guess I became a bit of a nag, and well the bf is very easy going and I think my nagging has pushed him away. That's really the only thing I've I can think of. The night before the break up he was meant to take me out to dinner it was a Saturday, and he calls me at 5pm and said sorry but he forgot that he had his mates sisiters bday dinner on and then he's going out with the boys! Obviously I was pissed and he hung up on me. The next morning he called me and he was hung over so he said he wants to stay in bed. I was really upset and I said I can't believe you treat me this way, I need to be with someone who will make an effort! He said ok and said i pick you up for dinner tonight. When he came over he had all my things from his house and he said I need to be with someone who can meet my expectations. I cried and said those things don't matter to me as long as I have you, to which he said I just don't feel the same way anymore I just want to be on my own. Im devastated. I feel responsible for this! I love him so much, I hope to god he will reconsider and let me back off. We have never been the type of couple to break up and get back together which makes this so scary. Has anything similar happened to anyone else? Any advice as to how to make him see I can make him happy again?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (7 May 2012):
It sounds like he has made up his mind that he does not want to be in the relationship. It might seem out of the blue for you but he has probably been building up to this for a long time, but unfortunately he didn’t let you in on how he was feeling. Judging from your post, it sounds like you placed reasonable demands on him: give you some time, and pull his weight around the house. You were perfectly within your rights to do that and you’ve not done anything wrong. It sounds like he’s been looking out for number one, and you’ve been coming a distant second. I know you are devastated but there’s no guarantee that he’ll ever change his position, in fact that seems extremely unlikely given the way he ended things. And if he has indeed ended things because being asked to put in a bit of an effort annoyed him, maybe you aren’t compatible together. I think that you need to accept that this is over. Cut contact, and share your feelings with any friends or family that can support you. You will in time move on, but for now make sure you get a lot of support around you. Your relationship was ended in a cruel way, and you probably feel a mixture of surprise and devastation. That may become anger, or something else. But go through the motions, it’s all part of moving on. But don’t live in hope that he’ll change his mind, and don’t assume that if he does, the relationship will work out anyway. If he can do this once because of an argument, you’ll always be living in fear that he’ll do it again. It sounds like this relationship, whatever he wants from one whim to the next, is over, sorry.I wish you all the very best.
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