A
female
age
30-35,
*rs. Fiance
writes:My fiance recently broke off our engagement. He immediately stopped talking to me saying he was unhappy and that he didn't want to change, although he said he loved me. He said he was tired of feeling like he couldn't be happy with me and that he found himself not missing me. The fight that pushed him over the edge was about me wearing a bikini top at a fundraiser for my sorority. We had a cool whip fight, and I was wearing a tank top until it was time to rinse off in which I took off my tank top and rinsed off in my bikini top and shorts. After that pictures were taken in which it shows me wearing that. (I am a small petite woman. 5' and 110lbs) He deleted me off of facebook and added his ex girlfriend. He wouldn't explain why this happened out of the blue. All of our friends commented that I am better off without him A few days later, he decides he wants to talk. He let the anger get the best of them and he found himself in the wrong. He said he was also willing to change and work on us. He said he started missing me. Here is the hard part for me. I'm still very hurt about all of this and my mom and family want me to be happy but the last thing they want is for me to be with him after this. Him and I live 4 hours away and I was given a job to where I only have 24 hrs off a weekend. He works in order to support himself because he does not have help from his parents. I was supposed to stay with him this summer and work, but the job I was offered is a very rewarding job at a church camp with great pay and I meet the most amazing people. We don't want to go back to being engaged just yet. We want to really work on our relationship. I am stuck on taking him back. I am stuck on maybe trying to make this work long distance. I am stuck and scared.
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engaged, ex girlfriend, facebook, fiance, his ex, long distance, petite Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): You tell a sad story and I always believed that a couple who wants to stay together work through their problems together? Don't buy the bullshit stories and lies. Take proactive steps. Tell him you are willing to work through the issues with him together if you doesn't want to then just call it off and cut him out of your life. There are a lot of guys out there that want a woman as yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Start over right away..
A
female
reader, Mrs. Fiance +, writes (6 May 2013):
Mrs. Fiance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm scared that this will happen again and that the distance will hinder us more than help us. I want this to work more than anything. However, I do believe that in order for this relationship to work, we both have some personal things that we need to work on. I think by me taking the job at the camp that it will best suit me. I am scared for him being alone. I don't want to abandon him but he needs to work on himself as well and I feel that we can't do that by seeing each other 24 hours a day. He said he is willing to make it work.
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A
female
reader, BluAsThSky +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Don't throw in the towel just yet.. it isn't actually a big thing. It sounds like he is feeling a little insecure and doesn't know how to deal with those feelings in the correct way.Sadly instead of being taught to talk these things out our culture 7 society teaches us an eye for an eye, and to play these mind games with each other that incidentally do more to damage a relationship than the origional problem. Do more to show him that he is the only guy for you... give him complaments and focus on him... give him a little encouragement and confidence boost and see if he doesn't loosen up a bit ;)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2013):
 If you are stuck and scared there is a reason for it. There is nothing wrong with a young healthy fit woman wearing shorts and a bikini top.
The fact that he DELETED you off of facebook and added his ex but did not block you shows he did it to upset you. DO NOT PLAY HIS CHILDISH GAMES.
It’s very hard to go backwards in relationships…. They are all about moving forward. So you were engaged, you have broken the engagement and now you want to go back to dating a guy that is 4 hours away and can’t cope with you having an active life that does not involve him.
You say WE want to work on our relationship but then you say you are stuck and scared… so I need to know what scares you and why are you so stuck? What makes you think that you should not try with him? (I’m not saying you should, I want you to figure out what it is about the relationship that is not good enough and makes you think it may be time to give it up)
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