A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay SO! I dated this guy 2 years ago and we had a rocky relationship but we both seemed to care about each other a lot so we worked through it. At one point during our relationship he was really close with my sister, but I trusted him. Finally, I found out through a leaked secret that they had had a drunken kiss one night at a bar. Just that made me mad at him for 4 months and we didn't speak, and neither did me or my sister. When I forgave him finally, we got back together on the condition that he promised he wouldn't speak to her any more and wouldn't lie to me. We ended up breaking up later on for other reasons. I just found out, two years after our break up that that one little kiss was ACTUALLY a series of sexual relations with each other. So he was cheating on me with my sister, and then lied about it and only told me it was a kiss. Him and I, even since the final break up have been intimate on and off, almost as recently as last month and we were still close friends. How do I deal with this? Who am I supposed to be mad at? What am I supposed to think. I don't know how to feel.
View related questions:
drunk, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): If your boyfriend was having it away with your sister, I don't think either of them would have admitted it to you. Would you have done so if the tables were turned the other way? No of course not. No point in inviting a fight.
Now you're 'finally broken up', or so you say - but are you, especially as you're still having sexual relations with him? Seems rather odd to me. I think if there's anyone you should be mad at, it's yourself. For allowing yourself to be used as a sex toy as and when he sees fit. On the other hand, I suppose you could be using him for the same purpose, but there's no future in it whichever way you look at it.
No doubt you're mad at your sister, but boyfriends, partners and even husbands come and go - but she'll always be your sister no matter what. Have a fight with her if you absolutely have to. Tear some hair out, shout and scream, but clear the air and make friends with her again if you can. Blood is thicker than water and all that. Life is far too short to hold grudges.
A
female
reader, pinksuze  +, writes (5 March 2008):
This was a terrible betrayal, both by your boyfriend and by your sister. Feelings of anger and hurt are completely natural, and nobody would blame you if you were mad at both of them. However, how mad you feel really depends on how much he still means to you. You've broken up with him so perhaps you don't feel as close or loving towards him as you once did, and in this case you should maintain your dignity - he's beneath you. If you still have feelings for him, however, this discovery will make you feel much more angry and upset with him. If this is the case, you should tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel, and then walk away from him. You've done nothing wrong, you didn't deserve to be treated in this way and you shouldn't have anything to do with somebody who could betray you so badly. You've split up from him and he can't offer you any happiness.
Your sister, on the other hand, is a different matter. Whilst there will be a time in the future when he means nothing to you and you may no longer even ever see him, your sister will be there for the rest of your life. You need to tell her how angry and upset you are with her. Relationships with family members can survive this sort of thing, and over time often do, but it is going to take an awful lot of work on her part to make this up to you.
As for the future, I can see that you might never want any new boyfriend to meet your sister. However, this happened not only because of your sister but because of him too. Your aim should be to be with somebody who you can trust implicity so that you know for sure that even if your sister wanted him, there would be no way that he would go with her. This sort of trust is difficult to achieve after such a betrayal, but if you want to lead a happy life with a good relationship you need to be brave and learn to trust again. It was NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with them, and you shouldn't let them damage your chances of finding love and happiness in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Can you blame others for what went wrong in your life?
What good does it do now when he is no more in your life?
Pick up those broken pieces and move on.
Don't wallow in your self pity.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I wouldn't be speaking to either of them. Double betrayal.
You sound a strong person, i take my hat off to you! Thats a horrible thing to happen.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (5 March 2008):
 You should be mad at both of them! why are you still sleeping with this creep? He cheated on you with the worse person possible, if your going to cheat at least not with family as that's cut twice as deep. You need to stop seeing this loser, some freind he is and your sister, stop talking too her too. She should be saying sorry too you, don't bother with the ex, If I was you he be out of my life for good.
...............................
|
