A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Dearcupid readers and admins,I have a guy bestfriend. A bestfriend I have since the year 2005. We both like each other since college. We denied the feelings at first bec. I have a bf and he has a gf. His gf is very insecure with me because of the closeness we have had during college.A lot of drama happened during the college days. It's a very long story and I will just call it a history. It's very complicated.Last May 2009, we had separated ways after graduation. After one year and 5 months of not communicating with each other, we finally meet again in person just this month bec. I went back to the province where we graduated.This time, I am single (my ex bf has impregnated another girl) while my best friend is still on with that girl who is very jealous of me. I think they are nearing 4 years in the relationship.We recalled all of the memories we have since we were students. It's been worth every minute. We cried, hated each other at some point, made love,blamed each other and a lot more. At the end we reconciled and forgave each other.We wish we could be together all the time but we just can't because he is not mine. It's like the song that says"It's so sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along..."After seeing each other, we went separate ways again bec. we work on different provinces. Let's just say, we are a million miles away from each other again. Now, we continue our intimacy and relationship through emails, chat, texts, and calls.I know he love me. He also texted me (see below)and keep these messages that I really love to read again and again:He said:"I really wanted to contact you last year. I used to lie to myself that I don't love you anymore but my inner self would disagree.""Yes, but we started as friends and the feelings that we have is not drastic. It simply developed until we realized that we are no longer friends, we are lovers.""I realized I miss not just the sweet romance but the togetherness that we have before. It was so great.""I'm afraid to get married with her but I don't know what is right. This is the stage where I can still choose but I'm crying now.""This must be unfair but, can you wait for me until I may be free? This is not a contract so you can still end this agreement anytime. Will that work for you?"-------------------------------------------------My questions are the following:a. What are the best things that both of us can do? Sometimes it hurts me knowing I am not the official gf.b. He does not know how to tell his gf about me. If you were my best friend, how are you going to break it to your gf?c. Should I wait for him? I'm afraid I might just be waiting for nothing :-(d. Or should I just stop texting him and I will give him 6 months to decide?I need your help everybody.Sincerely,Girl
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): To tell you the truth, everything sounded just "peachy" and "sweet", I almost even fell for him... until his stupid request asking you to wait for him. He's damn right to say "I know it might be unfair to you". Sweetie, I was in a similar situation as yours many years ago...the guy ended up marrying her, had kids..which PROLONGED the "waiting". In the end, he didn't divorce her until many years later after their kids were all grown up. I waited until my husband came along and even then, I still waited for him. Go figure! My husband was so loving and patient and eventually won my heart. I felt so stupid for putting my life in pause for someone like him. If he loves you as much as he says he does..then he'll need to make a decision. My advice give yourself a time. If he hasn't made a decision by then or marries the girl..move on. Men like that aren't worth waiting for. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): If he wanted u more, he would have ended his relationship sooner.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Anytime a man who has a girlfriend asks you to wait for him, you should just run away. The relationship you are dreaming about or think is possible, isn't. If it was possible, it would have already happened. Sometimes you can be friends with somebody but unable to have an actual relationship, and this seems to be one of those times.
If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he would leave his girlfriend for you. It's THAT simple. No excuses can justify him staying. Not "They've been together for 4 years!" or anything like that.
Don't wait for him. Let him go and try to move on. There is too much drama in this relationship already.
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A
female
reader, sxc_hotie  +, writes (23 November 2010):
its not that really a problem for him if he really loves you .. you cant stay to someone else and pretending you love the person .. in that case your best friend love his gf cos of that he cant say it that he have you .. simple he hook u up both .. dont waste your time i think you need to get out away from him or ask him to select who his more to both of you ..then if what comes the result you need to be ready for acceptance ..good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): I really think you should move on. It sounds like your best friend is stringing you along, not to mention cheating on his girlfriend.
If he really meant all those things, he would dump his girlfriend. It's really that simple, if he felt that strongly nothing would stop him. I think he wants the best of both worlds.
Until he is single it's best to move on. Don't hang on hoping for something that probably won't happen.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Well first off i would hate to be his girlfriend, he shouldnt be doing this to her it is cruel, if he wants you then he would finish with his girlfriend asap. But no he has cheated on her and that is really not fair, people dont realise that cheating makes a person become insecure and in return can destroy there relationships for many of years because they dont trust men it is sad really.
Ok well if am honest i dont think you should wait on him, it would be holding on to something that is just not there. You need to talk to him and see what he expects from the future. Ask him how does he see the both of you being together? You need solid plans nothing less. First off he needs to break it off with his girlfriend, tell him you are not going to be the bit on the side anymore, he needs to set his girlfriend free so that she has a chance to move on with her life and find someone who deserves her. Secondly if he does this then you both need to make plans on how you are going to be together, as im assuming one of you would need to give up your job and uproot there life to be closer to the other, therefore all of this needs to be spoke about as well. Goodluck.
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