A
female
age
30-35,
*tardoll0101
writes:I need help!I have been best friends with this guy for two years now and he has had a girl friend for almost one and a half years and after one year of being friends with him i started to fall for him. Even though he has a girlfriend he has told me several times that he has feelings for me and we have kissed once but his girlfriend doesnt know. At partys he always likes to hug me and be with me and its just making me fall even more for him. At the moment him and his girlfriend are on the rocks and they barely talk. What do i do? do i tell him that i am in love with him? but i am scared of losing him foreverPlease Help!!!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Well, you need to remember that even though he claims to have feelings for you, action speaks louder than words. He might take an interest in you as something more than only a friend... but he's got this girlfriend. If he wanted you, he would have broken up with the girl. Why hasn't he?
And then there's the other catch. Are you truly that special, or does he have a talent for looking elsewhere when he's in a relationship? He did cheat, like it or not. How can you be sure he's not having "feelings" for some other girls as well? How close friends are you?
If you and him are meant to be he needs to get his act together and end his relationship with the girlfriend. Otherwise he is either:
a) a coward who couldn't leave the safety of a relationship to try it out with you, not knowing if a relationship with you will be just as safe or not.
or
b) been stringing you along, intentionally or not. Not been careful with what he's been saying, and leading you to imagine he wants you, while in reality he's not feeling anything special for you at all.
Give it time and see. Or just ask him directly if there is any truth to what he's been telling you, that he has feelings for you, and if there is truth to it, why he is still with his girlfriend as this isn't exactly fair on her either. Don't give him a safety net with saying you will be with him if he breaks up with her. Because then you will not know if he truly wants you or is just tagging along. Instead, if he asks what his chances are with you, tell him that you do have feelings for him as well, but can't promise a relationship will work unless you give it a try with dates first. Then see where you end up.
If this is something you both actually want, he should be making some moves to show it. One thing is to talk the talk, it's another to walk the walk.
Personally Im a little worried that although he might be a good friend, he's not boyfriend material. He's cheated after all, and he looks elsewhere while in a relationship. Two traits Im not found of. Be careful, there are no guarantees he wont do the same to you as he's done to this girl of his. He might be a little too immature for a relationship yet.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): You were friends with him for 6 months before he had a girlfriend. In that six months did he express to you that he had feelings for you?If not then i know you wont like me saying this but you need to back off and let him try to work things through with his girlfriend. Maybe the girlfriend can see through you and that you are ready to get stuck right in there and that is just not a nice thing to do to her. How would you feel if you were the one seeing him and there was a female friend always in the background happy at getting his attention. She may not of seen you kissing but women have a radar that lets them know the women that are showing more than a passing interest in their men.Dont take advantage of their rough times and tell him how you feel. Let them be and if they breakup make sure you are not the reason behind it. Dont let him fall into a pattern one of those guys who ups and leaves when the going gets tough. Would you want him to end up with you and repeat this pattern. I dont think so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): He's probably on the rocks with her because he has feelings for you.
That being said, I firmly believe: If he'll cheat on her with you, he'll cheat on you with someone else.
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