A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. I have never been with someone so loving, caring, considerate, and funny. I would say he is my best and closest friend I have ever had. We do EVERYTHING together and really enjoy each others company. Unfortunately.... He lacks motivation when it comes to getting a job and being successful. He just graduated college and has no real aspirations nor the motivation to really do anything with his life. He also never really cared about doing well in college. For me school is everything. I graduated top of my class and am now in graduate school. Therefore his lack of motivation really bothers me. Plus I question if we were ever to get married I would never be able to stay home with my children because he couldn't support us.also...I have found that I am not that physically attracted to my boyfriend. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I should have sex with him because otherwise I would forget. and that has never happened with anyone else I have dated.anyways....About 2 months ago I met someone who I would say is exactly what I am looking for. He is active, older, in the process of getting his doctorate, hes a professor, etc. We met studying and kept it friends for a while. However when me and my boyfriend were long distance I started hanging out with the professor (I will just call him that since I cant use names) more regular basis. After a month I found myself really falling for him. Not only on a intellectual basis but also a physical one. My feelings for the professor were so strong I decided to break up with my boyfriend. Once I broke up with my boyfriend me and the professor went straight into spending a lot more time together (including sleeping together). I fell for him right away. He was everything I wanted (plus the sex was amazing). However shortly after we started to kind of see each other he started blowing me off. It became obvious within a few weeks I was more of just something out of his connivence. I was so upset.....even though I did not know him very long in the beginning I saw some real potential.something you should also know about me is I have a hard time being single. Therefore after I stopped talking to the professor I felt extremely lonely. All I did all day was study by myself. So I started to hang out with my ex boyfriend again. Within a week we went back to exactly how it was before.... best friends who spend every min together. I told him about the professor however when I broke up with him I told him it was because of his lack of motivation.So right now I am currently back with my boyfriend. However me and the professor have a few random emails back and forth about research stuff. I find myself checking my email constantly hoping to see his name. I find myself getting dressed up before school so just in case I run into him on campus I will be looking my best. Deep down I know I can get back with the professor if I wanted to.I dont know what to do... Here I am dating this amazing loving man when all I can think about is this self absorbed 35 year old. I am seriously torn between my bestfriend and someone I am crazy for.
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female
reader, baby-blue-eyes  +, writes (3 February 2011):
i think you need a break from both of them to be honest you need to learn to be happy by yourself before getting into a realtionship and by the way you describe it seems you are happy with neither of these guys you cant see a long term future with this boyfriend nor are you physically attracted to him and with the proffesor id cut all contact you dont need a man like that
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