A
male
age
30-35,
*rakken000
writes:I have been in relationship with this girl for 20 days. In those days, things got serious very quickly. Whilst emotionally the support she gave me was incredible, I was not intellectually satisfied. We never actually had a conversation about shared interests or anything, whenever we were together, we just seemed to make out. I never had a problem with this, because her best friend, another girl, was also my best friend. This girl was very intelligent, and while I didn't think I had any feelings for her, we spoke to each other a lot. In a way, I felt that my relationship with girl A lasted this long purely because I never felt I was lacking anything, because both the girls fulfilled what I wanted, in a weird way. But then I realised that this was wrong, so I ended things with girl A, and told B that I had feelings for her, but she is already in a happy relationship that I set up for her. Meanwhile, girl A is graduating in a few months, and she said that she would have stayed in this city for me, but now she is going to college elsewhere. When A told me this, I felt really, really bad. Because I still care about her a lot, but I know it wasn't her that made me so happy. B is in a happy relationship, and nothing is going to happen there.I feel incredibly lonely, the 2 people closest to me have been distanced from me. B is still my best friend, and she cares about me a lot too, but she wants us to remain friends. I would just like some support to help me get through this tough patch, because I have never been this down in my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Well, I think you did the right thing. Truly, you need to find one woman who fulfills all of those things for you, not two girls.
You are still very young, and I think because you were able to be honest in this situation you will find what you're looking for eventually. Don't fill bad for girl A. Let her go free and know you did the right thing by her, because she needs to find someone who appreciates all of who she is.
As for girl B, there isn't anything you can do. You may need to back off as her friend, and I know that's hard, but healing takes time. You can't fully heal if you're always around her being her "friend."
It sounds like you're starting college or at least moving on from high school. That is a good time to start meeting new people. It will do you no good to pine for girl B, better to let her go. You're going to be lonely for a while, so hang out with other friends and don't beat yourself up over it. You did the right thing.
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