A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. A young man befriended us during his illness, and took care of me after his death. He came round every evening.He listened to me, made me laugh. He started flirting with me a bit - then more. I couldn't believe it, thought of him more as a son, as he's half my age. But ..it went further. I have fallen in love with him, and we have spent lots and lots of time together. In bed too. He enjoys my company, feels close to me. But he needs a girlfriend, a family.Now, with my help, he's just started a relationship with a woman 15 years older ...and it hurts so much. I try to see him as a son, see the woman as a potential friend ..He's all I have, I have no children, no family to speak of. How can I deal with this pain? I do want him to have a good life, I really love him, and that means wanting the best for him.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Thank you for the update. I'm glad for you that they're treating you well, even if their relationship isn't perfect.
Best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdateHe and his girlfriend are trying to make me feel as family, which is really kind of them. I fear that his relationship is not going to last long. He is a very difficult person through childhood diffculties and can be very passive-aggressive, which is very hurtful. I can't mix in and explain this to her - I just feel bad about this too. Just have to wait and watch, and try and feel like any parent would.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 C.Grant is correct... you need some more grief support.
I am so sorry for your double loss, first your husband, then your companion (you lost him emotionally for selfless reasons)... you truly love him to let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering, any answer helps. He wants children.He wants a family. He didn't really want a girlfriend so much older, it hurt his ego to some extent ..once he gave me a lovebite and then said.. that's it, we can't do this. I'm 30 years older, not just a little .. it is just not fair to him.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (29 March 2012):
What you did -- recognizing that a guy in his 30s ought to have a shot at family life -- was very selfless. That was a very noble thing to do, and you are to be commended.
The best way to get over a relationship is to find a new one. And the best way for that to happen is to be out and in contact with people. Be active at hobbies you enjoy, volunteer for organizations you admire. Be around people who are more at your stage of life and eventually something will click.
I wonder, too, if you might benefit from a grief support group. Your young man was your support after you lost your husband; losing him might reveal unresolved grief issues that were covered up by your happiness in the relationship with him. A grief support group would be another way to connect with people at your stage of life.
My best wishes to you as you cope with these challenges.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (29 March 2012):
 why did you push him away, why couldn't you be his girlfriend, because you were so much older? why did he allow himself to be broken up with and set up by you, and if you're concerned about age, what's the difference if is now going after someone significantly older again? Try reaching out to him and explaining why you pushed him away and that you want him back, but you'll have to accept if he says no and is now happy with another woman...
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