A
female
age
36-40,
*onja
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. I'm 21 and he is 27. For the past year he hasn't been wanting sex as much as usual. I know that sounds common but he is a very sexually active person and we went from having sex almost every day to once or twice a month! Other things have happened that has hurt me. He met up with another girl without telling me (he says nothing was going to happen and he just didn't want me to ask a bunch of questions), he's gone into video chat rooms and showed girls his penis (he says he can't help it and it's his fetish), and he joined a website made for people who want to meet someone to hook up with (he says he saw an ad for it while watching porn and just wanted to see if it actually worked). There's been other things and I feel like he just comes up with excuses for everything. I've been hurt by him so many times and for some reason I still love him and believe that he loves me. For many months now, I've been wondering if he's getting bored of me, if he's going to cheat on me or already has, if I'll ever be enough for him or if any girl will ever be enough for him, maybe he's just not the type of person to stay faithful to one person. Being with him has been killing my self-esteem and I constantly think that I'm not good enough. I just caught him watching porn and masturbating, which I usually wouldn't mind, but this was while he was supposed to be in the shower with me. It hurts me to think that he'd rather do that while i'm naked in the other room waiting for him. What's going on here? What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): thats so lame;*
see this is why woman shouldnt have sex straight away; cause they just get fucked over!
this relationship looks like it was all based on sex and nothingg else'
move on and dont bother lookingg back. guys like this type are worthless. & trust me dont chase after him; he is actually so not worth itt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): My question to you is "What will it actually take for you to leave him?" I think you are caught in a self-esteem trap. The more he abuses you and your relationship in this way (which he categorically is) the lower your self-esteem gets. The lower it gets the more you want him to fix it, make it better and make you feel better again so you hang on and on in the hope that he will change, stop hurting you etc etc. Even in your post, which I doubt covers all the every day things which he does which are unacceptable, you are being treated terribly and nobody should put up with it. His excuses are lame and pathetic. Anyone reading your post will see he is a liar and a cheat. You need some support to get out of this situation and begin to work on your self worth or esteem again. Quite honestly it is only going to get worse living with him. I really hope you can find the courage within you to get out of there. If you have family and close friends how do you think they would feel to hear how he treats you? Your life is precious you need to respect yourself more and make a tough but necessary decision.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 This man is a buffoon, and, forgive me but, while being fooled by someone who is crafty and astute has no negative reflection on you, being fooled by such a two bits player
says that you are not using properly your little gray cells right now.
So ,he supposedly is in a relationship but he must show his penis around because that's his fetish ? And how would he feel if you had the equivalent fetish- if you had this compelling need to show your vagina to everybody ? Would he be ok with that ? "Sure honey , that's your fetish, I understand "- for some reason, I am skeptic about that...
As for the hook up sites , "he just wanted to see if it worked ". And why ,exactly ? What does he care whether it works or not ? I always get spam about,say, penile enhancements, but I couldn't care less to know if they work or not.
Look, I know how it is being in love and I know how hard it is letting go- but somewhere you have to draw the line. "He hurt me so many times..."-then what are you doing still with him ? Waiting to see if he can hurt you more and more ?...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Um, he's going into chatrooms to show girls his penis? And he's joined a website for people who want to hook up?
I dont't know how you define "cheating" but I think that's enough to let this relationship go....
Leave him and find a man who will treat you right, and you won't have to feel hurt all the time.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Sounds pretty sketchy. I personally would consider webcams cheating. And I don't buy the whole, "well I wanted to see if it worked" thing. He went there on his own will. What does he mean if it worked? If what worked, meeting girls on the internet for sex? I'd say he's intending to cheat if he hasn't already. And if he didn't do anything with the girl, why so secretive? I think you have right to be concerned. He seems to disregard your feelings on the issue. You may want to find someone not so engrossed in the cyber world and someone more monogamous. You sound like a nice and rational person, you can find someone great who deserves you. Best of luck.
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