A
female
age
41-50,
*tar17r
writes:I was in a relationship with a man who was is still is my soulmate. He is the only person that has ever understood me, he is the only man i have every loved. The problem: he is black, I am white. This caused a huge problem as my parents said they would disown me if I did not end it( i am 26, but extremely close to my parents)So after a year of being madly in love, i decided to end it as to not lose my family. I could not live in the same state as him and not be with him so i moved. I hoped that it would be like any other relationship and over time the feelings would just fade...ya know...time heals all wounds kinda thing. I met a man 3 months after moving, and quite quickly he asked me to marry him...i said yes, but at the same time in the back of my mind i thought of my soulmate. that was 2 years ago. we are still madly in love, we still talk, we still want to be together. My husband is an amazing man, but im not in love with him. I dont know what to do. i am more afraid of hurting my parents than anything else....i want to be with my soulmate, i never believe in "one true love" before him. Being apart hurts all the time.There is more to support our story...but i dont want to go on and on.... so ...what now. Please be nice, i can take harsh comments but still....please have some decency. Thanks in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 March 2009):
 DO NOT get married when your heart is not in it. Understand, this makes your husband a victims of your insecurities. So, you believe he's your one true love, yet you say I do to another man. This is a very "dependent" act.
As far as your parents, talk to them and let them know how you feel. As far as their being prejudice, that's an area they have to personally solve.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Go get your soulmate.
If your current husband loves you then he will understand. He won't like it but it's for the best in the long run for you. And if he respects himself then he would not want to remain married to someone who does not share his feelings.
If your family loves you, they would not begrudge you your happiness in life just so their photo albums all show people with the same skin shade.
Their feelings may be well-intentioned. But they are still wrong. And you are still 10 years too old for them to be making this decision for you. You don't owe them the right to make this call anymore.
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