A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'll give a bit of background info first.. Basically My boyfriend and I have been going out almost two and a half years and the sex topic has come up quite a lot recently, we both agreed we aren't ready yet and that we're happy to wait for each other, but I just want to know what people here's take on sex as a teenager etc are (I'm 16, he's 9 months older and turns 17 this month)Also, what is the best way to prepare ourselves for when we do decide to? We don't have sex education as such or anything at my school and I want to be as best prepared as I can be, are there any particular sites or anything.. Sorry for how long-winded this is, thanks in advance :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): Thanks for the help everyone.. I just wasn't sure where I should start because there seems to be a lot to be aware of so you've all been helpful, I'll take my time reading through everthing here and things I find and we'll go from there .. Someday.., thank you again. Ps whenever I feel ready I will talk to my mum because her input will be valuable to me just because she's older etc etc and just has that much more knowledge of life and relationships.. Although after that conversation I'm sure to be locked up until I'm 40 lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): Hallelujah, finally a teenager who wants to do things sensibly for a change.
Basically you have most of it covered.
You want to wait until its the right time for you both, the only other thing really to consider is playing it safe (Contraception).
If you do that, then not much can go wrong.
Also though, you may want to consider getting some lubrication because your vagina will most likely be tight and it will probably hurt first time round too and perhaps bleed, so also have some tissues handy.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 It is a lot smarter to prepare yourself than to just hope it will all work out. I can still recall visiting the local library to try to find an anatomy book to see what all the bits look like (using a mirror had not occurred to me) and since my own mother would not tell me anything, I learned only the proper names for all the bits. And I am glad I did learn the proper names as I find it a bit twee to find a person is too embarrassed to use the word penis or vagina or cunnilingus etc.
And never push your partner. If your partner is not comfortable with anything then it should not go ahead. Personally I think children should have explained what they ask, and answered at a level they understand. And have their questions answered in a respectful way. My own mother’s reaction to start hitting me with an iron (still warm) when I asked what was a climax is not the way to go.
But each parent will have their own set of values and attitudes that they will unconsciously or consciously impart or try to impart. It is a very personal journey.
Sex between two people should always be respectful and kind to their partner. Intentionally hurting a partner is not OK. Not seeking permission from a partner is not OK. If a partner says stop and the other party still goes ahead that is NOT acceptable. If a partner says STOP then the Stop must be immediate. No negotiation. No discussion. Just Stop.
And do try to familiarise yourself on what a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) looks like.
Don’t even think of going ahead unless you already have full protection in place. That is Protection from any STD (use a condom) and protection from pregnancy (use a Contraceptive pill).So you need both.
And know how to put on a condom. Condoms are strong. And condoms can accommodate a lot of attention. They can handle different sizes of various men’s penis, more than you could not imagine.
I have already explained this to my boys the strength of a condom to hold the liquid before too much is too much, by putting a condom into a bath of water half filled with water. Then I filled up the condom with more and more water. We managed to get the condom to the size of a small dog before it finally burst. In the bath.
Any time may be too soon for your parents. Just because two people have sex does not ‘cement’ the relationship. If the guy is shallow the sex may result in the guy walking away. Since, for some guys, once a girl has agreed to sex, and then the sex has occurred, then he loses interest in the girl.
Sex is normal. But it will often make the girl think she is in love with the guy when in reality she just had sex. Sometimes with a guy who is not really interested in her. And some shallow unkind guys will sometimes go out and tell the world who they just had sex with and betray the trust of the girl by telling all his male friends exactly what happened and who did what. Such behaviour is unacceptable.
Any sexual activity needs to ensure that both parties have consented to the sex. And that both parties legally can consent to sex. If one party or both parties are underage the Legal age of consent then all sexual activity between the couple must not proceed.
I like a gradual approach. I do not think everything needs to be learned in a short talk. Sex is a big topic. Better that you learn gradually so that each lesson sinks in well.
I will reveal that I think it is better that you are already IN a relationship. But that is my personal belief. Some may disagree with my thoughts on that. Because sex where there is mutual respect and consideration and “really really like each other a lot” is a better basis for a good relationship.
Shallow relationships that often leave one or both parties feeling uncomfortable are where two people meet and without even knowing each other’s surnames, motivations, who the person is, they go ahead and have sex the first time they meet. I know millions do it. But I just think such ‘hook-ups’ often result in dis-satisfaction on one or both sides.
At the start it is far better to enjoy each other and work out alternatives to sex. You can still give each other intense sexual pleasure with sensual practices that are not even having sex. This helps build intimacy for when you are later ready. So read some erotic poems to each other. Cuddle. Kiss, Give each other a foot massage. Cook lovely food together, Listen to amazing music together. Go visit a scenic place and enjoy the view. Play sport or regularly visit the gym, and find out how good that can make you feel.
Maybe go on the Internet to purchase the old books called “The Joy or Sex” as it will answer far more questions.
Do talk things over with your parents about sex. If and when you do choose to have sex it is much nicer if you have parental approval to stay the night at his place or her place. And it is smart to use proper contraception. Not using any contraception is the dumbest decision possible. If you have no arranged contraception then you are not yet ready to have sex.
Trying to have rushed sex in public places is unsafe and dangerous. Trying to have sex in the back of a car cheats you of the beauty of the wonderful experience that is good sex. Similarly thinking you need to get drunk to give yourself “permission” to say “sorry I was drunk, and it just happened” represents total stupidity. It is not smart.
And here are three articles from DearCupid.org that may help.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/virginity-.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/unprotected-sexnever-worth-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/sti-std-what-are-they-and-how-do.html
Please talk things over with your partner. And also talk things over with your parents. Take things slowly as some parents are not yet ready to see their children as ‘ready for sex’. Far far better if the parents and the children can talk things over rationally and respectfully, first, in a sensible manner.
if the law in your country means that you are both over the age of consent than that is a good thing.
But for anyone reading this who is under the Legal age of Consent in their country or their county then this P.S. is a note of caution for those persons:
And remember if the person is under the legal age of consent then NO consent is possible. Thus under the law they are a child, even if the teen thinks otherwise. Thus NO sex should occur in those situations. Because if NO legal consent can be given then it matters not if a teen or a parent or an adult says OK, you can. Because any such person, be they a teen, a friend, an adult or parent cannot give consent in those circumstances. Saying OK when it is not OK NEVER makes it right. Because it is NOT Ok and the law is clear on that when it comes to underage sex. Laws are in place for a reason, even if a young teen disagrees.
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