A
female
age
36-40,
*ngel2311
writes: Just to start off I have a deep love for my ex and now we're planning to get back together but there's a catch. You see he doesn't have much trust towards women due to what many have done him wroung including myself. So he's been talkin to someone else and wants a 3way relationship with me the other girl and himself 'cuz he feels like it would be less likey for any of us to stray off and cheat and fiancally would be safe for all parties. Basically move to Va together and form a family. I already have a 3 month old which he loves but isn't his and helped me get over and thro a hard relationship with the father of my son. Now I'm in a better place and state of mind due to him helpin me out. The fact is I'm deeply in love with him and since I'm bisexural it doesn't really bother me but I'm wodering if this would work. We've thought this out positively and negatively but I do want him for myself. He'll soon be the godfather for my son and I'm making moves to leave new york. Basically how can I have him to myself cauze he's admitted to me that we're more compatable 'cuz I do understnad him and she's kinda young minded still about stuff. If u must kno yea her and I like each other but she's still a baby and not really a big deal to me. So far everything has been all talk no action yet and I wanna take him b4 it does
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Hi there, thanks for getting back to us. If this was your idea and not his, you do need to rethink it. Suppose the other woman wants to have kids by him, are you ready for all this? What confusion this could be for all of you. Take the time to think hard about this. It's difficult enough for one man and one woman, to make a relationship work, let alone three people together. Please be careful of what you are asking for, a man would not need much coaxinag to have two women catering to him and for the variety, men try to be faithful to one woman, you are making it easy for him to be with another woman, right in front of you. Take good care.
A
female
reader, angel2311 +, writes (12 July 2008):
angel2311 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanx everyone for your input I see I have to describe every lil thing seein how ya responded. Ill just list them down if ya'll don't mind.
1. As far as money fiancally I'm set I have a great job that I can use to tranfer myself to VA without havin to worry about losing my job.
2. If your wondering what happened to the father of my son. well he need to grow up as a person and is still stunk on chillin with his friends and sellin weed which I can't have around my son. His abuse toward me and his own family has gotten so bad that he's not allow to be around me or his son.
3. This 3way relationship was my doing and it first start off as a joke. but do to me being bisexual and also being atracted to the other girl (who by the way is the sweetiest person I've met) I figured why not have the best of both worlds. But I'm also re thinking all of this as well.
4. The relationship between me and my ex. Is a lot strounger then his relationship towards the other girl so I'm not to worried about her. He has a hard time showin his feelings due to many ppl breakin his trust and hurtin him. He's not a typical dude who goes out to clubs and tries to get girls to sleep with. No , he hates sluts and ppl who are not real with themselves and be followers, liars and mulipulators* .
5. As far as my son when he grows-up he'll know them as aunt and god father and we'll all have seperate rooms so there's no confuzion. Affection will be left for the in doors 'cuz we're not doin this to show off the relationship to anyone.
Just to sum this off and update it hasn't even happened yet and I'm starting to feel like it wouldn't. He's starting to open his heart to me with show a lot of trust between us and have been talkin about how thing are different now. ( its sooo super hard to hear I love you from this dude) last night he told me that he truly loves me and can't do without me. He loves my son to the fullest and agrees to raise him with me. But as a dad or just a godfather we haven't gotten to that yet. Please gimme some feedback and advice and thanx for those who told me they're true feelings about this situation. Xoxo
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Right, because women have cheated on him in the past he now wants a harem...
Capitol idea, hang on while I try this on my GF.
*in a much higher voice*
She didn't go for it, any tips on how I can change her mind?
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Are you kidding me? Come on, your life sounds like a mess, you want to be with your ex (why is her your ex) who apparently is with another woman, while you only just gave birth to another man's child and now want to make a happy threesome.
The longterm 3way idea is already a bad idea in itself simply because most people just don't work well when they got to share. But that he uses the reasoning "women cheated on me before so now I want two" is so completly idiotic that I think he is just using it as a line.
Come on, what man wouldn't want two women, it is pretty much a standard fantasy but is this really what you want?
Considering the mess your life currently is and that you got a small child I think you need to be on your own for a while and get your life in order.
Even if you are considering it, there would at least need to be friendship with the other woman and I don't see you mention her at all.
Sort your single life out first before you consider doing something that is going to be asking a lot out of you and is going to mighty confusing for your kid.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (11 July 2008):
Hi, What we have here, in my opinion only, is a man who wants to have it his way. He wants you, at least sexually, but he does not want a commitment of marriage. He wants the other girl for variety only, because he doesn't want a commitment with her either. Now I ask you honestly, what are the chances, that he will meet another woman, who he fancies, and will bring her home and demand that you two, include her in the group as well. As long as you go along with his manipulation, he will continue to do what he is doing. Mind control is not healthy, you care for him, so that is his power over you, as well as the other girl in this situation. He's having great fun at your expense. It was great of him to help you, through a difficult situation in the past, but I am sure you showed your gratitude. What about your child, how is he going to feel, when he gets older, about all these people sharing the same bedroom. Please think about this, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak, I think that he will probably get tired of the two of you and leave the whole thing, or want to include another person, which are both hurtful situations. Tell him, he makes a commitment you, as a mature adult, or you are out of the situation, because it is not healthy for you or your child. Unless, of course, you think you can handle what he wants. It is hard enough to please one person, someone is going to get short shrift, in this situation. Please do not allow your life to be so controlled by someone, who has purely selfish reasons, for what he wants to do. You should respect yourself and be concerned about your child, being bought up in an envoirnment that is, halfway normal, which this grouping would not be, do not allow yourself to be talked into it. I think you feel inside, that this is not workable. Follow your instincts, there will be someone in your future, who will care for you and your child, and not be so self absorbed, and unconcerned about other people's emotions. as this man is.
By the way, I don't think he loves either of you. Love means respecting the person you care for, he does not seem to be aware of that. Take care, and be wise, and true to yourself, and your values.
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 I meant to leave a comment before but didn't. The way I see this going, well.. I just don't think it will end in good terms. You've mentioned you have very strong feelings for this man, and even though he cares for you, I just don't think he's in love with you. Sooner than later you'll realize that you won't share your man and that this other girl is too inmature to keep a relationship period. If you're able to take care of yourself and your baby now and are in stable place, why oh why would you throw it all away for such a pointless relationship.
I suggest you think very hard about your life and about your kid. Good luck babe!
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