A
female
age
51-59,
*ayne38
writes:i had a baby 4 months ago and her dad comes round almost everyday.i am not with her dad but he has stayed overnight a few times(nothing has happened).we do go out shopping together and have even been to his mums for dinner,bbq,etc.he has brought round a bottle of red wine a few times but i guess i am just confussed as to what he wants!!!am i just reading more into this or does he want more? i am so confussed.before i became pregnant he didnt want a relationship with me but it seems different now!!! if anyone has some words of advice i would be so grateful.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 Hi,
I think a lot of single mums would be happy to have the father of their child trying to get back in their good books.
But as for your own personal wellbeing, you have a right to know if he wants you two to get back together. So ask him what his intentions are, he is probably feeling very guilt at abandoning you in the first place. Otherwise you have to get him to respect your privacy and make pre-arranged visits. You do have a right to your own life and if he just wants to be involved in his kid's life without getting back with you ( if you want him that is ) then he should respect your independence.
After all you have a right to form a relationship with another man, if this one doesnt want you and you dont want him, he has to give you the space to lead your life.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): If i was you i would search my brain and ask myself if i want this to happen. Stop worrying about what he wants, it is your life too. Do you want him back in your life? If you do, then sit him down and ask him just what he is up to. Tell him how you see it and how you want it to go. If he goes along with it fine, if not then put him out of your life and move on. Let him see his child, but at arranged times and not just if and when it pleases him. Sort this out to your benefit not his. You deserve to be happy and be the mum on the side line of the childs father.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): Why are you so concerned with what he wants? Who cares what he wants. The question you should be asking is what do YOU want? I mean why are giving him all the power and control to decide if this is going to happen or not?? This is YOUR life.
So decide what YOU want. And if you want to be with him, go for it. Take control. Start flirting with him, just do all that cute stuff that girls do when they like a guy and want to be with him. Charm him.
And TALK to him. Be honest. Tell him who you are, what you want in life, what your goals are. See if he feels the same way. And if so, CHARM HIM. BE confident. Make him want you.
If he is receptive then fantastic. And when I say receptive I don't mean receptive only when it comes to having sex. I mean receptive as in he can give you what you want. e.g. respect, stability, love. If he is not, then learn to take a hint and MOVE ON.
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