A
male
age
36-40,
*iznasty
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I lately feel very unappreciated in our relationship, and don't feel as though that is fair. She says she appreciates me, but I tell her that unless I feel it, it doesn't count. Recently, we rarely have sex, and if we do it seems like it is forced. It takes us half an hour of rubbing eachothers backs waiting for the other to make a move. I used to always make the first move, but then stopped because I thought it would be nice if she made the effort and turn me on first, but she would say "I dont like doing that, im too shy". In my past relationships I've been very affectionate and touchy feely, even in public (not huge make outs, but holding hands and flirting) but when we started dating, she would give me hell for trying to touch her in public as if she was embarrassed, so obviously I stopped immediately. Now she tells me that she would like it if I would do that, but I have a very hard time doing so. Classical conditioning (and no, I'm not Pavlovs Dog :).) She trys telling me that that was a long time ago and shes changed, but cant figure out how difficult it is for be because that hurt me alot.When we're with others, everybody else is a priority other then me. When we was studying in Europe last year, I even went to visit her along with some of our other close friends. I stayed longer then everybody else, so her and I scheduled a trip together that I was very excited to be alone in Europe togerher. All of a sudden she tells me that her friend wanted to tag along, and that she had booked her train ticket already and everything. I was very upset and told her that I wanted to be alone, and she told me that she wanted to aswell, but she didnt want to upset her friend. Things like that have happened alot in our relationship, my feelings being hurt by her at the expence of keeping an outside person happy. I dont feel that is fair to me at all.Basically, she is the nicest person I know, and I respect the hell out of her (I've only said negative things, but she is honestly an unbelievable person) I just dont know if she can give me what I want. I want somebody who will put me #1, and make me feel loved and needed.Sorry for the huge rant, this is my first time posting! I just dont know what to do anymore.
View related questions:
flirt, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I don't think you should confront her or do anything drastic here. You might just need a break for a few weeks. Go for a holiday and don't contact her in that time. Just explain briefly that you are depressed, and you need some time to yourself to think.
It's hard to give an answer to this question because you haven't told us much about her. Where does she work? Is she the same age as you? How often do you see her? Etc.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Dude, u fell in love with her n that means u accepted her good and bad things. There comes a phase in life when we feel we need sumdng more from our relationship...and in process to get that we ourselves end up ruining our relationship n hurting the person whom we love the most.There is good and bad in every person. Even if you find someone else in future eventually u will find out that evn that person wil have sumdngs which you wont like.And as you have written, shes changed cuz now shes telling you to hold her hand in public.I personally feel that you two need some fun outing sumwhere or sumdng fun only for the two of you.All the best!!! n God Bless You Both!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 You say she is a nice person and I guess she is just trying to please everyone. It doesn't sound like she intentionally tries to hurt you, but she is who she is and I guess if it is not working for you then you need to tell her. At this stage I don't think she is going to change her personality and nor should she, maybe it is just a case that you both are not compatible with each other. Talk to her again and tell her how you are feeling maybe you can both work harder on the relationship so that you are both happy.
...............................
|
